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read between the lines
much afraid Much Afraidby JARS OF CLAY Empty again Sunken down so far So scared to fall I might not get up again So I lay at your feet All my brokenness I carry all of my burdens to you All of these things I've held up in vain No reason nor rhyme Just the scars that remain Of all of these things I'm so much afraid Scared out of my mind By the demons I've made Sweet Jesus, you never ever let me go Oh, sweet Jesus, never ever let me go So happy to love Yet so far to go You lead me on to where I've never been before All of these things I've held up in vain No reason nor rhyme Just the scars that remain Of all of these things I'm so much afraid Scared out of my mind By the demons I've made Sweet Jesus, you never ever let me go Sweet Jesus, you never let me go Sweet Jesus, you never let me go -- a lot to chew on since the new year started...including the revelation that i am much afraid of certain things...and it is these fears that hold me back, to a certain extent. not fear of the trembling, breaking-out-in-cold-sweat kind, but nonetheless a valid fear that leaves me afraid to progress with significant, interconnected areas in my life. and one thing i really, really have to learn is that it's okay to fail. it's okay to have the world crash and burn before your very eyes. it's okay to get hurt even though there were times you felt you would never heal. speaking of healing. old wounds are always there and the Healer binds them up. but they always get reopened and the Healer has to do His work again. i have yet to come to a point where someone can stab me and i can not bleed profusely. and so the body, in self-defence, does what it knows best: protects itself. it is very hesitant to loosen up because it knows what will happen. but the problem with putting up barriers is, not only does it keep out the bad, but it can also keep out good. unfortunately, now that i am aware i have some kind of fear problem, i don't quite know how to deal with it. it is not one of those clear-cut things where you can just face the music and confront your fears. i don't even know what music to listen out for or where it's coming from. all i know is i'm supposed to wait for the answers. to watch and pray. and to be open to change, which i am, as unlikely as that sounds. thankfully for me, the need to do what christ wills me to do is greater than my fears. i thank god for revealing so much at the start of the new year, so that it leaves room for the rest of the year to work on in this continual yet gradual process of moulding and refining me to be more like my Maker. |
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