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read between the lines
T.G.I.F. i literally thanked god that it happened on a friday, so that i had the weekend to get away from it all.yesterday i was supposed to have a good lunch i thought, treat her out and make us both happy. instead she took the one-on-one to literally one-on-one confront me when the rest weren't around, strangely enough on the very things others were thinking about her, except that she thought those things about me. my conscience is now clear. i did nothing wrong, people of different neutralities that i consulted seemed to think so too, and thank god i walked away with my integrity intact and the ability to speak up for myself where i usually would be too useless to do so (mind freezes during attack mode), without losing my cool. thank god she didn't shout too, though she very nearly did. more importantly, i know god knows that the things i was accused of were untrue. although i was so unsure yesterday and it took me a whole day to extricate myself from the wreckage and see the truth: that there was nothing to be afraid of. it's funny, but when we all started out things were fine. then there was some friction in the group, and two of them had a catfight. i thought i was covering my ass by not getting involved, by talking to both of them yet avoiding them at the same time in some areas. but gradually i realised there is no such thing as sitting on the fence for long. when you're cornered, you have to take sides. and you even get sucked in even if you thought you weren't 'involved'. initially i tired of this group when i saw what was happening before my very eyes: bitchiness (gossip, backstabbing,betrayal, lies, the like) among girls. this was the very reason i hate hanging out with all-girl groups, i said to god. and yet i am supposed to? but yesterday night i realised this. bitchiness is eventually going to crop up when you hang out with girls. not with everyone, but in...probably a lot of circles. the thing is how to react when it infects the group. i can just drop this whole idea and run, or i can stay and see things through, and garner experience on how to better handle with bitchiness in future. perhaps it is finally time where i feel ready to stop running, yet be able to maintain my boundaries and not be a pushover, nor get bitten by the bitchiness bug either. and thank god i actually don't hate her after everything that's happened; that's never happened before. |
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