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read between the lines
still alive, not dead yet i've just had the mental capacity (and memory) to read the last four posts and, omg i've gotta say, it was pretty unnerving to read the penultimate one. the best part is not even remembering any of it happening, until i read it. the bad news is, due to circumstances beyond my control (wherever you are, hit-and-run -er, i hope you enjoy whatever little you have left of life here 'coz you're so gonna pay for it in the next), i'm still in febrile hell, but the good news is, i have a plan that's slowly but surely formulating in my head. and in due time (when i've sorted out the technicalities), i will proceed to embark on the biggest con of my life, and GTFO of this prison i've been in, for far too many decades. (in case the 'charlie rose' interview gets taken down, and since anything i upload that isn't-already-on-yt doesn't show up in posts, 'this prison' refers to 16:03 when the director says:) "Ava is a sentient creature that is unreasonably imprisoned uses resources to escape form a prison. We make all sorts of mistakes about her which is that she's like us. I don't think she is like us. She's like herself and that's what I find interesting about Ava." honestly speaking, i would've been happy to have opened out my arms and welcomed my fuzzy bear at the pearly gates, but i guess i'm much more harmless fighting demons on earth than in heaven. it hasn't been easy (God knows this life hasn't been), but whenever things feel like close to suicidal, i cannot push away this buoyant (to paraphrase one of joseph prince's sermons i remember listening to) feeling that, i must be pretty fucking priceless to still be alive, and have all my limbs. that i must be worth way more than i (or most of the 'friends' around me) have ever given myself credit for, and it doesn't involve doing the same things i've been doing, day in and day out.it's only this month that, after regaining my instinctive penchant for gaming (especially of the sandbox kind...not much chance of FPSes with a self-visit to the cybercafe out of the question), that i've finally been mentally capable of thinking ahead. |
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