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read between the lines
rumination so here i am again. the path is not new, i've seen this before. i've felt this before and i know how it feels like. so here it is, the great nemesis. and what do i have with me? have i come equipped with a sword and a shield and a helmet?no. i did not. suffice it to say that i am in the very worst position i could be in right now. and yet this fails to illicit some kind of shock or wake-me-up reflex in me. i held out the longest i could. but, as luck, no, god would have it, He has to bring me to my knees again. we all have to learn to bow down at some point in our lives i guess. and sometimes it doesn't seem to make sense, especially when you have all these clones standing tall around you and you wonder why you're the only one still squatting down in the darkness. why is it that the words come so easy when i comfort someone else but my own words fail to comfort me? but no, i am not so narcissistic, and i am glad i am not so. and besides if i believe in a holy spirit i know those words were not mine in the first place. i guess i'll never fully understand or acknowledge how privileged it is to be in this broken state of mind, but someday i will, i know someday i will. when i'm standing with the multitudes and i'm looking at all the lasts who were once first, i'll understand. but right now it's just back to the great adventure of life in the midst of a very dark and unpredictable chapter. i can't wait for the next one, the one that says "victory" on the starting page. but then again, once that mountaintop comes, i know i'll have to brace myself for the next valley. and that's the worst part, i guess. we spend so much more time waiting in anticipation for the next mountaintop that when we finally get there, the stay is so damn short before we have to go under the water again. so, the best thing is to enjoy the wait while you're at it. the way i see it, if i have ten years of waiting, i have the option of feeling and acting like those are the worst ten years of my life, or i can choose to make the most of it and, while i'm at it, maintain a positive outlook so that at least when those ten years are over i won't have to look back and think what a stinking waste those ten years were simply because i didn't feel like doing anything but mope. i'm not saying it is possible to be consistently, 100% happy during those ten years because if i could manage such a feat i would be a Stepford wife (go watch the movie and you'll understand). however, it is possible to maintain a never-say-die (energizer batteries anyone?) attitude that will at least lessen the emotional damage in the long run and even encourage a bit of productivity resulting in a few minor fruits being planted through this seemingly fruitless time of turmoil. at least, that much is what i know of, that has been revealed to me so far. Lift by SHANNON NOLL I know you're hurting Feels like you're learning 'Bout life the hard way And it ain't working Seems like forever That you've been falling It's time to move on You're life is calling, yeah This was never meant to be the end Close the book and start again Cause I know how hard it can get But you gotta lift You gotta lift Cause sometimes that's how it is But I know you're stronger Stronger than this You gotta lift You gotta lift When you can feel your Whole body's aching What's left of your heart It won't stop breaking You gotta let go You took a hit Time to pick up now Move on from this This was never meant to be the end Close the book and start again Cause I know how hard it can get But you gotta lift You gotta lift Cause sometimes that's how it is But I know you're stronger Stronger than this You got to Lift yourself up above all the hurt Don't give in Wipe your eyes and remember You're better than this Let them know That they took their best shot And they missed C'mon and lift Cause I know how hard it can get But you gotta lift You gotta lift Cause sometimes that's how it is But I know you're stronger Stronger than this You gotta lift You gotta lift And I know how hard it can get But you gotta lift You gotta lift Cause sometimes that's how it is But I know you're stronger Stronger than this You gotta lift You gotta lift |
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