|
|
|
read between the lines
raising my ebenezer Then Samuel took a stone and set it up between Mizpah and Shen. He named it Ebenezer (meaning Stone of Help), saying, "Thus far has the LORD helped us." -- 1 Samuel 7:12 much has happened. i've done some things i normally wouldn't do in the past 2 weeks to get over the pain but i know i'm only supressing what's always been there, the dark shadow in the background. maybe someday i will make a mention of what i did and how god helped me, but for now what i'll say is, during the course of the first week it happened, when i was numb and i didn't care about anything anymore, it was then that i felt the true meaning of god's grace. as in it was one of those rare times in life where i've actually acknowledged to a deeper extent (i don't think any of us will ever feel the full extent as long as we're alive) the grace that has been extended to me from above which i've been taking for granted most of the time i'm living and taking up space here on earth. it's definitely one of those momentous points in my life that i have to mark out, hence the topic of this post. according to this sunday's sermon at the church i attended, an ebenezer (in our context) is a sort of marker for all the points in time where god has helped us. it serves the purpose of helping us remember those moments. an example where this word appears in our context would be in the song, count thou fount of every blessing, an old favourite of mine (and incidentally, my mom's). i'll insert the lyrics right at the bottom. so here i raise my ebenezer, though it's almost 2 weeks' overdue...haha. but besides making a mark out of the latest event in my life, i want to put in my 2 cents' worth (or should i say, dua sen worth) about yesterday's sermon (woah, seems like so long ago, now that i recall). the speaker concluded with a few open-ended questions he flashed up on the projector screen. one of them was, "did you raise any ebenezers in your life today?" (i'm paraphrasing of course). and the thing with me is, all i need to do is look through my things and realise i have. cartons of written journals, keepsakes, notes; you name it, i have it. so not acknowledging or remembering times of blessings and grace is not a problem for me, though it might be different for the rest of the congregation. however, my problem lies with the fact that i acknowledge and remember too much...until it hurts. i think and think until i start to wish i was back in those moments of victory. i'm like a person who's living in the past when everyone else is living in the present. so i don't know if placing ebenezers are, on all sides, a good thing. i mean sure, the immediate feelings that come to mind when i recall these pivotal points are good, but when i dwell on them too much they start to become more like grim reminders that life is not that way today and has not been for quite awhile. but overall i guess the problem really isn't about whether we should put markers along the way in our lives or not (but i concluded we actually do, whether we realise it or not, because we've always got our memories with us and they themselves serve as ebenezers, though they're less reliable and less durable than physical markers). -- took a break, did something else, just returned. am a bit dazed right now so will end here because i'm not really in the right frame of mind. as in i can't think clearly. and i don't want to try. oh, and here's the verse i was talking about: "Here I raise my Ebenezer; Here by Thy great help I've come; And I hope, by Thy good pleasure, Safely to arrive at home. Jesus sought me when a stranger, Wandering from the fold of God; He, to rescue me from danger, Interposed His precious blood..." -excerpt from Come Thou Fount Of Every Blessing |
|
|
.jpg){kind=link}