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read between the lines
exaggerations hamba untuk yesus, bertekad untuk meninggikan Namanya, tak kesahlah apa pengorbannnya...i've had a rough day and a rough night (the day before). the only thing keeping me doing what i did, what i had to do today was truly Him. his strength n providence, n the will to do what he wants me to do, whatever the cost. otherwise i would've just walked out on my life, out on these people, out on this place...because i find nothing worth hanging around for seriously other than god. ok and maybe the dogs. the mind is a powerful thing. twist it and you can go insane, nurture it and you can control at least most of it, protect it and you'll be the best model/likeness of christ you can be to yourself and to the people around you. people around me. bah. sometimes i am just so sick and tired of everything i just want to take the first flight out of here. and grab my dogs before i go. if i can close my eyes and not wake up for 3 straight days i'd do it. i was struggling today. the reluctant hero. hero of what? my own life, of which affects many others in more invisible ways than visible. oh well. just another day in the storms of life. actually why should i complain, i've had worse things done to me before. this is just a storm in a teacup. not a real hurricane. yet. freaky thing i noticed today and yesterday though. the minute i said the protection from spiritual attacks prayer, i calmed down. nothing else worked. so it must mean these have supernatural influences right? i dunno. maybe everything that's bad is not from god. some people like to say it's the self. what is the self, i ask? i don't think the self was born evil, neither is it the root of whatever evil that the self does or thinks. okay, so the self does have the potential to do negative things in its natural state. but if not provoked the self will not actually do it. right? is it evil or is it self? i don't recall there ever being a good, evil and self. it's either good or it's evil. there is no third. correct me if i'm wrong, but i believe that the self is a mix of the two, neither fully evil nor neither fully good. FLAGPOLE SITTA by Harvey Danger I had visions, I was in them, I was looking into the mirror To see a little bit clearer The rottenness and evil in me Fingertips have memories, I can't forget the curves of your body And when I feel a bit naughty I run it up the flagpole and see who salutes (But no one ever does) I'm not sick, but I'm not well and I'm so hot 'cause I'm in hell Been around the world and found That only stupid people are breeding The cretins cloning and feeding And I don't even own a TV Put me in the hospital for nerves And then they had to commit me You told them all I was crazy They cut off my legs now I'm an amputee, Goddamn you I'm not sick, but I'm not well And I'm so hot cause I'm in hell I'm not sick, but I'm not well And it's a sin, to live so well I wanna publish 'zines And rage against machines I wanna pierce my tongue It doesn't hurt, it feels fine The trivial sublime I'd like to turn off time And kill my mind You kill my mind Mind... Paranoia, paranoia Everybody's comin' to get me Just say you never met me I'm runnin' underground with the moles Diggin' in holes Hear the voices in my head I swear to God it sounds like they're snoring But if you're bored then you're boring The agony and the irony, they're killing me, whoa! I'm not sick, but I'm not well And I'm so hot cause I'm in hell I'm not sick, but I'm not well And it's a sin to live this well (One, two, three, four!) |
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