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read between the lines
blogger down again --imported from LiveJournal (since closed)--grr. blogger got problem again, why am i not surprised. dying and just dying to say how i feel. i feel....well i don't know why (actually i think i do), but the last two times, i've been getting depressed after playing for church. no reason why, but i just feel like crying. nothing on the surface to provoke me. and then i just go downhill from there. tonight was one of those nights. and yes, i did play for service today. was supposed to play last week but i'm glad i was in the audience instead of up there playing, because i learnt a lot from the sermon than i would have had i been in the back (prone to mind-wandering and all that). i'm not sure about a decision i'm supposed to make tomorrow, and after all that thinking and praying, i am still unsure it's the right one. i'm kinda hesitating actually. the decision is whether to stay in a room in sg with an altar in the living room outside or not. everything else about the place is perfect except..that. it's not that i'm the religion's version of rascist--contrary to that--but i do have my concerns that who they pray to might disrupt me when i pray. oh well. gonna talk to god now. and release those tears i've been keeping in because my brother only just went to bed after i alerted my parents he was up, out of annoyance. |
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