Recording my journey of trying to make it through life and find God, joy, purpose and meaning along the way...basically in search of eternal life here on earth.

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Saturday, October 28, 2006

the way out

today's job interview was traumatic, to say the least. it was only the fourth since i started jobhunting in may. the third was yesterday, but at least it was quick and painless. today's was slow and painful. it took me the later part of tonight to understand why on earth i came out of that interview feeling mentally exhausted and, by the time i reached my next destination, infinitely sad.

i hate prostituting myself (to employers). i don't know if what my mom said was necessarily a good thing to say, but she lamented (or commented with negative undertones) that the jobs these days i look for in sg are jobs where i'm competing with n level and o level students, and have nothing to do with my diploma. which made me think further in my head, then what was the point of getting the diploma in the first place if it has to come down to this?

my passport expires end of this month. i do have a new one, but it'll take muuuuuch longer using that one, sadly.

i found myself asking god, is this what you want for me? a crap job with a crap employer and crap working hours? forgive me but i was made to think i was meant for better things...and i still do. like, somehow i just cannot bring myself to believe i came through all this (the events that led me here) just to become somebody's minion, a corporate slave. i mean it's not really the ego that's in question here...it's...i mean, i studied this far just to get or try to get a job that doesn't even recognise or need that high the qualifications? doesn't make sense at all.

but now that i'm in a more sane mood i guess the only thing to do is to just wait. i know there is a plan, i know there is a way out since You put me here (and You've said You'd never put me in a situation without providing the exit), but i just don't see it. i just pray you would show it to me, the way out.