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read between the lines
misperceptions like i said, i don't know why (or rather i know why but i still find it hard to swallow) the public has this overall impression of me being thick-skinned and possessing a devil-may-care attitude. somehow they think anybody can just hurl brickbats at me and i can just catch them with my teeth and spit them out with imperturbability.take this for instance. a friend asked me if i would like the job she just quit, which involved uploading content for the local newspaper. mentioned all the benefits -- ending work early, 4-days-a-week, reasonably okay pay, and most importantly, an sg job -- and then, when pressed, told me why she quit in the first place. she said, "okay, i'll tell you, but i know you're not affected by these kinds of things so it shouldn't be a problem." she then proceeded to tell me that the supervisor under her boss (but over her) was sabotaging her work by wiping out sections of her work and handing it over, unfinished, to the boss almost every time. so she was getting a pretty bad rep from all sides. thanks ah, friend, for holding me in such high esteem. hargh. okay, so i guess i'm not letting on more than i choose to let on to the public, but then again, i've realised that honestly, very few people on this earth can really take what i really am like. and even so, those people have only seen bits and pieces of me beyond the surface. i don't have to conduct trial-and-error sessions to tell that most people only have a limited capacity for how much they can stomach. i would be considered a maniac by medical standards, especially when i hit different polarities intermittently. but bah with psychology, most of the 'medical' conditions are questionable anyway... i guess it would make sense that the only person who can handle the real me in all its fullness, as in the one stripped of all its christ-endowed properties and whatever 'perks' (or fruit) from walking with god...is the one Himself who brought me into existence. i don't know that's a good or bad thing, the fact that after all these years i can still be so volatile. or maybe these are just the crazy years and i'll 'stabilise' when i become a boring old fart (which i hope never to be, by the way). |
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