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read between the lines
in reply to the last nice cosy friday this is (i know it's saturday but i never count after 12s as the day before).i've been wanting to follow-up with a reply to my previous post all week but haven't had the time to do so (or rather i put this on a lower priority). regarding the part about how nobody knows me in full. almost immediately when i was 'sober' (or at least in a more sane state of mind) i realised the same can be said for everybody. because, unless anyone's been with someone 24/7 right from the time of their birth right to their death, i don't think they would honestly know that person or understand where he/she was coming from all the time (exceptions would be conjoined twins haha). family doesn't count cos they're not with the person 24/7. i believe what i was trying to say in that semi-conscious state of mine (not that i was trying to make much of a point at the time of posting, since the post itself was meant more to be like a writing exercise or form of distraction) was that some people are more predictable than others and therefore easier to 'read'. they do the same routines and react the same way for quite some time and their pattern of change does not vary much. sure, people will change as my friend pointed out to me moons ago that "change is inevitable", but some don't change much. i am not such a person, i think that much is obvious. what makes me a rather difficult subject to 'read' is the fact that i am admittedly unpredictable. i guess my unwritten life motto is that i am always open to change, so that it'll be easier for god to mould me whichever way he wants. i never ever want to be like those conservative, blinded, narrow-minded, old-school people from the older generation, because i have seen how much they've suffered and missed opportunities and blessings as a result of refusing to change and i certainly want the best for me (but then again who doesn't deep inside?). i won't give the long and short of it all, but one of the ways the unpredictability element shows itself in my life is in planning i guess. i know some people plan things down to a T and they get real frustrated when things don't meet their expectations, so in response to that i have an overall plan, but i don't go into specifics...and even then, my final plans are never always finalised. they are there in place to establish some form of order in my life, but should something crop up, i am prepared to accommodate. i hope. or, if other events come into play that, when put together could form a new plan, seem more beneficial to implement, then i'll jump ship too. also, i guess another reason why most of the time people don't get me (read: misunderstand) is probably because they don't know my background: the experiences that have shaped me to become who i am today. experiences just don't colour the way a person views things, they also provide clues as to why a person reacts a certain way. and that's something i only recently am beginning to realise. and...that's about all my mind can handle for now. any more words and i'll lose what little sense of guarded reasoning i have left. |
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