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read between the lines
lull help me. i'm glued to the computer again. good music lulls me into staying. i have it in my mind to get up and leave after the last song but yet another temptingly good song comes on and i find i can't get up. i'm apathetic yet reluctant to leave. sedated with sleepiness but yet there'll always be this little spark in me that forever wants to stay up the whole night.and i have work tomorrow. aagh. not that i hate work, i love it actually, but...oh man that means i can't stay up. but i can't get up. i don't wanna move. i just wanna blog about it and do nothing about it. there should be more hours in a night, i've often said. then that way i could stay up for ten hours and leave another ten hours more to sleep before the nagging pull of dawn. oh of dawn and of sunlight and of work....and task-oriented things, which becomes a bit of a put-off after awhile. today was a task-oriented evening..and it had nothing to do with work. part of me, just didn't wanna be there. i miss chatting for 5 hours straight on the phone. i miss watching late-night movies on my laptop till the wee hours of the morning. i miss closing my eyes and listening to track after track of nothing but good songs with good rhythms and good lyrics for endless hours as if time had just stopped. but most of all i miss the unassumingly lengthy amounts of time i had interceding for people. all that changed since the house got renovated and i lost my room...and my privacy. i don't know why but there was just something about praying for people that gave me so much in common to talk to god about at a time when i was...lost for words with Him. these days it's the other way round...communicating with Him comes naturally but i no longer have the convenience of an eveready quiet private place to be myself in prayer. but i'm not complaining. great. it's so early yet i know i have to tear myself away. i've been sleeping deep enough to dream during my lunch break, so that's how tired i've been. it's been getting pretty interesting, my dreams. sometimes i dream about stuff i didn't even know i was worried or bothered about. it's amazing what dreams reveal about how much the subconscious mind takes in. |
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