Recording my journey of trying to make it through life and find God, joy, purpose and meaning along the way...basically in search of eternal life here on earth.

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read between the lines

Saturday, November 04, 2006

if i could

if i could edit what i say or do as easily as i edit the books at my workplace and this blog, i would probably have corrected a lot of (my) errors. especially in dealing with people. ah, the disadvantages of an impulsive person...

while at many times i have found my ability to just drop everything and do something totally out of line has benefited me in the sense that i end up doing what god had in mind for me to do or experiencing what he wanted me to experience (that i wouldn't have done or experienced had i stayed where i was), at other times it just lands me in hot soup, deep shit, or just plain regret.

especially this very sticky thing of managing people.

the best part is most times i can't even tell i've done something wrong until it's too late. and by that time, the air is so thick with awkwardness i can't explain myself. which is when miscommunication usually starts to creep in, ruin my life and wreak havoc for me. it's true that with greater accountability comes higher stakes.

i've been asked, why do i care? why not just move on? but the thing is, severing ties and finding new unsuspecting victims to sever ties with is really not my cup of tea. i hate to leave things on a bitter note. reminds me of keane's song Bedshaped in which he laments that probably the only time he will get to meet the people that he's unintentionally severed ties with will be in the afterlife.

but i guess these are lessons best learnt when young, since life is so short and there is much to do here. it is at times like these when the following version of lamentations 3:26-29 comes to mind. and often it comes, ever since i came across it during my darker days. somehow or other the bible inadvertently gets flipped to that page.

i've been looking for a 'right' time to insert this verse, since this is not something to be trivialised or mentioned lightly, but i figure i've kept it in me for so long i might as well say it out. perhaps now really is the time, though i'm not as 'in so deep' as when this verse first found me.

"So it is best for us to wait in patience
-- to wait for him to save us --

And it is best to learn this patience in our youth.
When we suffer, we should sit alone in silent patience;
We should bow in submission, for there may still be hope."
-- Lamentations 3:26-29