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read between the lines
old vs new --imported from LiveJournal (since closed)--btw sometimes i miss my old life. true, i've grown and learnt a lot through pain, but sometimes you wonder where your friends are, where that familiar comfort zone is. that's not to say i have no friends. but sometimes, in infinite sadness, i realise no one can take the pain except god, and that i have to face it alone, not with friends' hands to hold on either side as i charge forward. everytime i settle down it is time to go and i know my work there is done. and if i try to hang on i suffer. sigh. but sometimes i would want my old bolster to cuddle. my bolster being the symbol of comfort and security in familiarity. but no, we are on unfamiliar territory, sent out like lambs among wolves, with one shepherd watching over us. i had that urge again to smash things up and break them in the moment of great emotion. emotions too many to mention that they meshed into one bursting pot of soup. i also had the desperate and wistful urge to take the first express bus out of everywhere that is familiar here. if i was speaking purely in the moment, i would say i hate the things i have to deal with, i regret the people i met, i regret the circumstances i've had in life for the past two years. i just want to be alone, i just want to hide in god, i don't want to talk to or see anyone or anything familiar, i just want to start anew in an unknown hidden corner of the earth. if i was speaking purely in the moment, let me reiterate. oh well. we have to move on, i guess. pick myself and my cross and keep on walking. |
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