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read between the lines
being open dum de dum de dum....i can't believe my life is so pathetic right now that the only thing i can do to lift myself from depression is use the net to pen down my thoughts. and then i don't know what to do with the rest of the night once this place closes.having absolutely nothing to do makes me feel redundant and useless. thankfully today was not as bad yesterday, because i came prepared. i brought my own stuff to do discreetly, though i have to admit my resume-sending was pretty blatant, since my company laptop faces the door where anyone can enter (since it's not even my office anyway). however, at the end of the day, the realisation of a day fully wasted tends to deject me somewhat, and so i have to find something to do to distract me from my thoughts or else i will go crazy. and this was the most cost-effective solution possible (so thanks again, friend). one topic that comes to mind as i think of what to write about here is the frequently-commented issue on my level of openness. therefore i have decided to kill two birds with one stone and be open about being open. (mwahaha...i know, my sense of humour is unusual!) more or less, people like to know why i am somewhat reserved and not that open. however, friends who know me long enough will give me credit and point out that i have opened up more over the years, which is both a good and bad thing. it's good if what i'm open about makes other people happy or conforms to their notion of what is acceptable, but when it's not, that's where the problem lies. and more often than not, i express things in an autistic-like manner that many can misconstrue wrongly. better to be seen as mysterious and neutral than notorious and hated, i should think! also, i always feel like people should get to know me gradually instead of me letting it all hang out, which in my opinion, would be boring if i was in their shoes. when i want to know someone, i do so by discovering more of their experiences that they relate to me through each time we meet, instead of just reading their blog. and if all they blog is all they are only ever really about, then they would be somewhat shallow to be considered deep enough friends, no? |
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