Recording my journey of trying to make it through life and find God, joy, purpose and meaning along the way...basically in search of eternal life here on earth.

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read between the lines

Thursday, March 01, 2007

blessed to learn

on the other hand, i can't complain that i don't have a challenging and somewhat engaging life. engaging not only in the sense of eliciting strong responses from me but also in the sense that i am able to understand and taste the reality of certain abstract concepts in life's book of lessons which i have never quite learnt or understood before. engaging also because it is so vivid and full of change (both good and bad) that i can't say my life is boring, dull, monotonous, useless or aimless -- the very things that deflate a person of his or her reason to live.

and the journey still continues.

i think there's rarely ever a day i wake up (since the new year) where i am not conscious of the blessings my god has bestowed upon me, some so unbelievable that they stir up the realisation that i am not worthy nor deserving of them. of course, all blessings are undeserved, but it is not for every blessing that i realise so pointedly that i never earned it nor count any personal credit towards it.

another thing these blessings, as a whole, have pointed out to me is the significance of timing. most, if not all, of these blessings (since the new year) have been the result of delayed yet answered prayers, prayers (others and) i have so fervently repeated for as little as a few months and as much as a few years, some of which i almost or totally gave up on due to the tendency we humans have towards narrow-mindedness (in terms of seeing one's life in the perspective of eternity).

i should say the lessons thereby derived from the realisation of the significance of timing (of which eclesiastes' verses, the ones that spun a hit oldies song, popped out again in my bible-reading) are of perseverance and patience. however, considering the fact that i have a history of having very little patience and giving up if i am convinced there is no point in hoping any longer, and yet these blessings arrived, i would say that these lessons are more suitably named as characteristics that would prove beneficial (emotionally, mentally, spiritually and even physically) while waiting for god to reply.

so what are the lessons then? that it is by grace that we get the things we could only dream of but could never achieve of our own pathetic efforts, and that when something ends in a way that it dies before our very eyes, sometimes that is not the end of the story. like how christ was resurrected, christ can resurrect dead things from the charred ashes of our histories and prove us wrong.

special thanks, as always, to the ones who pray, regardless of whether i am told or not. i am not ashamed to say how dear you all are to me.