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read between the lines
floating thoughts i have to get up early tomorrow yet my mind refuses to sleep in rebellion. to save time i will not bother to rearrange my written thoughts tonight. so you will have the whole shit here. enjoy looking into the thought processes of a scatterbrain.-- Muse is my current muse. they were at fort canning last week, but the gals couldn't go..so they decided to compensate by playing muse all day in the office, and successfully converted me into a muse fan even though before that all i heard was the oft-played supermassive black hole. all their songs seem to have an astronomical theme (amidst very down-to-earth issues of the heart)...with equally otherworldly noise. which works for me...i've always looked forward to a marriage of rock and astronomy, my two loves. starlight with the piano intro instantly hooked me. ditto for map of the problematique. -- i've realised that if i see the worth in something and am sure of it, i will totally go all out for it, no matter how inconvenient it is. realised that if i replace 'something' with 'someone' it would apply too. lately i have not been sure of many things, and even worse, am not even sure if they are worth something anymore. and because of this roadblock, it prevents me from pledging my full-time commitment to things, because naturally i want to be sure of something before i throw myself into it, full throttle. -- realised i have very different priorities from the rest, apart from the usual and necessary common ones, the evidence of which can be seen in my appearance, the things i do, the choices i make, the life i lead. realised even further that it was because i place different worth and value on the same things people might place their worth and value on. and that for some things others have got it right (read: are closer to the actual worth or value as defined by god), while for other things it's the other way round. -- perkara-perkara yang tidak difahami you why are you here again? i never quite seem to shake you off you destroy my confidence take away my security leave me afraid and fragile what do i do? what do i do? what do i do? i see myself destroying everything i touch because of you is that what you want? do you want me to eventually self-destruct? what do i do? what do i do? what would You have me do, god? i don't understand. i wish i did or knew how to deal with you and you why are you still here? why won't you leave me alone and just let me die why do you care? why? WHY? stop patronising me. i'm sick of the lies that it's hard to believe the truth i want to give up. but you're not letting me even that also i cannot do...aigh resignation and frustration. |
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