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read between the lines
blue christmas and while i'm on the subject, please explain to me how "'tis the season to be merry" because i just feel like laying down and dying right now. okay well not really dying, but gosh i wish i wasn't here, in this situation, again).but then again i'm not really sure which was worse...being stuck with nothing to do for a few hours and then coming home and having no time for anything else but sleep and final words from god, or being stuck with nowhere to go for the night and then coming to work and having no mood for anything else but sleep and final words from god. i wish i didn't have to work. or at least i wish i didn't have to spend hours everyday trying to fill up my time when i could be doing better things at home or at some quiet sanctuary. sometimes i don't know why you put me here, god. you think i can do it but i am not so sure sometimes. and you. why oh why did you pray for me so specifically that it cut like a knife..i have never cried so uncontrollably like i did that night, not for many months. |
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