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read between the lines
sea of women  out of my own initiative (read: not out of coercing), i decided to attend my first all-women's weekend-long retreat at the end of last month. two years ago, i wouldn't even have considered such a notion because the thought of being in a roomful of females for a few days would have been highly intimidating...so i can only say it is the ongoing work not of God in changing my heart that prompted me to attempt such a thing. however, that was to say i didn't go without slight trepidation.i actually had fleeting second thoughts when i went for the retreat's briefing a week ago because when i entered, it was as if i had just stepped into one of my mother's BSF conventions haha -- no offence against the organisation or middle-aged women. it was just that it was then that the reality of being herded up with these women and girls for the weekend started to sink in. a bit of background to this: in general when i think of women, i think of either of these two extremes -- of frenemies and superficiality or of nagging and schoolmarm strictness. so personally, the decision to board with the women was already a big step out of my comfort zone.  nonetheless, i was still set on going and the trip there was as exciting as i had anticipated, because it involved my first journey to batam and my second on a ferry -- the first was when i was a kid and it was only for twenty minutes to bring us across to this beautiful, quaint little tourist town called davenport so it was a different comparison altogether.the process of waiting together at the terminal, going through the checkpoint, waiting for the ride to start and exploring the different passenger compartments of the ferry was thrilling, to say the least.and when we finally arrived on the other side...oh joy! i felt like columbus touching ground on new, undiscovered land, haha. but when i got to sit on the passenger seat of the van that was transporting us to the hotel, it really felt like i was back home, passing by all these mosques and malay people and signs in a language similar to my country's. my roommate was kind of like a blind date, as i deliberately wanted it to be a random person so i could know new people, so i was pretty relieved and glad to know she was also from my country -- the first starting point for building common ground in an unfamiliar environment.  we discovered a gideon's bible in bahasa indonesia which we promptly searched through for famous verses -- the first she suggested was john 3:16. back home, even though a similar version of this language was widely-spoken, the average bible found amongst our community was obviously english as we were english-educated...so it was quite a treat poring through god's Word in a language different from one we usually read it in and being able to comprehend what was written.we also had a few laughs with these unintended puns:  and i was so stoked at the fact that i was walking around as a hundred thousand-aire (sorry, but being a millionaire for such a short trip wasn't worth it) for the first time in my life that i couldn't resist snapping shots of their money, haha. i also bought one of the daily papers, some snacks just to experience what it was like holding indonesian currency in my hands. i also got myself a prepaid SIM card...which, to my surprise, could not be activated until i had registered my name and address details (false ones of course) -- one of the hotel staff helped me out 'cos there were several steps. i was calling my mom and chatting with her excitedly about calling from an indo line and how the hotel was like, haha. the hotel was a basic four star in the suburbs...by basic i mean it was mostly a square four-storey building with no compound other than the centre area which had a pool and a gym. service was worth its rating though and i really loved the fact that this place had four lounge settings on each floor except the lobby -- all individually decorated. this was perfect for doing quiet time because they were just like open-concept living rooms that i could switch between if anyone was smoking or vacumming within the vicinity. the community group i was assigned to provided further opportunities for me to know new people -- and i thank god there was enough grace for each of us, with our different character traits and personalities, to be able to co-habit together peacefully for the next few days. i am also thankful for what seemed to be the clarion call throughout this whole retreat before each session started: don't judge. for had i not been reminded, it would've been highly likely that the stereotypes that i brought from home would have been accentuated to such a degree that it would have hindered my progress in genuinely enjoying the company of such girls.i was greatly encouraged that even during times that i was not with my group, strangers (to me but they were also participants) just came up to me to say "hi" and make small talk. this hasn't happened before in other camps i've been to where i don't know anybody, save for a handful. what was ironic though, was that i ended up having better conversations (read: continuous and inclusive, not dead and exclusive) with the people i had never met prior to the retreat than the few i already knew. but then again, those i already knew weren't exactly people i had known for a long time either.  spiritual-wise, the talks and sharing didn't lift me up on some spiritual plateau (which i kinda prefer 'cos a climax is usually followed by an anti-climax, which sucks for obvious reasons) but they didn't not impact me either. for instance, the final night's sermon was on forgiveness and ironic enough, i got tested on it immediately after the sermon when the call came for ministry staff to minister to those who were open to being prayed for with regards to forgiveness.it so happened that the lady who came to me was either new or too analytical because she seemed to be more interested in asking for exact, clear-cut details than in praying for me. by the time she started prayer, the session was over and everyone around me had heard every personal answer she had 'exto  rted' from me. not only that, after prayer she went into an extended digression about her own life and it got so long that it got so boring. needless to say, i got really frustrated on the inside and spent most of my quiet time that night trying to practise forgiveness unto this lady right after a message on forgiveness...haha. another staff member who happened to chat with me the breakfast after found out what i struggled with and her prayer enabled me to remove whatever remnants of unforgiveness i had towards the lady.two cool things happened during the camp that, from my perspective, let me know god was there (not that He wasn't, but it does encourage me when there is confirmation). the first was a total stranger on the final morning, praying by the Spirit's leading (meaning without being given prior information) the exact same word from the Lord that someone else had sensed about a year ago. the second, which also happened on the final day in the afternoon, was an unsigned envelope passed to me via my assistant community group leader who had received it from someone else, who had in turn received it from another person and so on. i didn't think much about it, guessing it contained an encouragement card just like the rest so i didn't remember it until my roommate and i were having dinner upon return, straight after disembarking the ferry. i opened it and out slipped the thing i greatly needed at that point and time but had not told anyone about, save my roommate and another girl (one i ruled out and confirmed with, the other vehemently denied it haha). "god loves you, [my name here]" was the only marking that came with it. for a few seconds i just sat there in the food court, swallowing down tears and feeling very touched by this anonymous good samaritan who had decided to obey god's prompting.  by the way i enjoyed the ride back much better than the ride in, because this time i got to sit with someone equally enthusiastic about bouncing across the choppy waves -- my roommate -- and we took the better spot: out on the deck instead of down in the cabin.altogether quite an experience, i must say. |
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