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read between the lines
i woke with this fear life's sometimes uncanny in the sense that i can walk past a shop, hear a song that best expresses me for the day and find comfort in that song. some staff guy in the mph cd section today kept playing the song below, so either he was feeling the same or he was really into emo music.had another dream today from my past. it got me thinking why some things are such a wreck whenever i look back. unfinished endings that unsettle me. sure, i don't think about it as much as i used to, but i'm only human and when i do, i can't just not feel anything about what has happened and be as laconic as the other party. on top of it, i have the future to think about. people are so tricky. you can never be too sure about the people you invest in. a new set of friends have arrived lately, so many of them...but i don't know if i can handle it -- allow myself to be vulnerable again, start a friendship (of substance) with some of them and put my life on the line again, knowing what statistics say. but if i don't, i'll never allow them a chance to cultivate a real friendship with me (and vice versa), and obviously i don't want that -- to be a 'stepford friend' (blame the TV for showing stepford wives again haha). do i still believe that god can "reconcile the irreconcilable", as beth moore said in the devotional i read yesterday? that's the only thing that's kept me going, that he will, someday, and not when i'm 80 or after we're all dead and gone to heaven. but do i still believe it enough to not let it mar my future friendships? Leave Out All The Rest by LINKIN PARK I dreamed I was missing You were so scared But no one would listen Cause no one else cared After my dreaming I woke with this fear What am I leaving When I'm done here So if you're asking me I want you to know When my time comes Forget the wrong that I've done Help me leave behind some Reasons to be missed And don't resent me And when you're feeling empty Keep me in your memory Leave out all the rest Leave out all the rest Don't be afraid I've taken my beating I've shared what I made I'm strong on the surface Not all the way through I've never been perfect But neither have you So if you're asking me I want you to know When my time comes Forget the wrong that I've done Help me leave behind some Reasons to be missed Don't resent me And when you're feeling empty Keep me in your memory Leave out all the rest Leave out all the rest Forgetting All the hurt inside You've learned to hide so well Pretending Someone else can come and save me from myself I can't be who you are When my time comes Forget the wrong that I've done Help me leave behind some Reasons to be missed Don't resent me And when you're feeling empty Keep me in your memory Leave out all the rest Leave out all the rest Forgetting All the hurt inside You've learned to hide so well Pretending Someone else can come and save me from myself I can't be who you are I can't be who you are |
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