Recording my journey of trying to make it through life and find God, joy, purpose and meaning along the way...basically in search of eternal life here on earth.

LINKS THAT NO LONGER INTEREST ME
!HERO [the gospel in rock]
parousia
jon foreman
switchfoot
duran duran
kevinmax
the O.C.
jason LO

I WROTE THIS
pseudo-memoir


Background from dctalkunite.com


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read between the lines

Monday, October 01, 2007

from yesterday

thank you, friend, for giving me a reality check today.

okay. so i'm still retaining remnants of yesterday. even if i feel so much better and perfectly fine today. thank you for reminding me that sometimes we sweep things under the carpet and assume we have forgiven the other party...until the next crossing of swords occurs.

to be honest, i think i became more unforgiving as the years passed. i used to forgive and forget easily...and like a naive puppy i just let people step all over me and inflict wounds on me that still remain until today. after that i felt i had to protect myself. wanted to minimise the risk of getting hurt again.

but in the end? i still got hurt anyway. guess it's like c.s. lewis says (below), it's either you become a hermit and live in antartica or you become (or strive to be) people-centric and get stabbed, poked and played out more often than not.
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”
so why be people-centric? why care about the rest of mankind if sometimes it feels like the rest of mankind doesn't care about you? or why bother to involve yourself so deeply in people's lives that you're bound to get hurt or angered at one point or another (and depending on the person, either forgive and forget or forego and forsake) whether intentionally or not?

simple reason: because you want to follow jesus, who cared about people enough to see something in them worth loving beyond all their faults.

now that kinda love is something i've never had the capacity for (if i did, it was all from god) and will constantly be asking god for a continual flow of.

p.s. today's entry title is stolen from 30 seconds to mars' song. and yes, yesterday's title was from daniel pewter's.

We Are One Tonight
by SWITCHFOOT

I'll rise
I'll fall
I'll fail
You all

We built these cities
To stand so tall
We've lost our walls

I don't want to lose it coming down
With the whole world upside down
I don't have a soul to trust in now
With the whole world upsidedown

We are one tonight
And we're singing it out
We are one tonight
And we're dreaming out loud

And the world is flawed
But these scars will heal

We are one tonight, tonight, tonight

Two eyes
One tongue
I've come
Undone

I'm no victim
I paid these dues
I came to lose

I don't want to fight about it now
With the whole world upside down
I don't have a soul to trust in now
With the whole world upside down

We are one tonight
And we're singing it out
We are one tonight
And we're dreaming out loud

And the world is flawed
But these scars will heal

We are one tonight, tonight, tonight

I don't want to lose a common ground
With the whole world upside down
I don't want to fight about it now
In a world that's burning out

Let's slow the evening down
Slow it down, slow down
Please slow down, down, down
The stars are comin' out

We are one
We are one
We are one
We are one tonight

We are one tonight
And we're singing it out
We are one tonight
And we're dreaming out loud

And the world is flawed
But these scars will heal

We are one tonight, tonight, tonight

So fight it out, so fight it out
So fight it out, right now
So fight it out
We're still fighting out
We'll still fight it out
'Till we're one tonight
'Till we're one tonight