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read between the lines
confidence in christ i don't feel like sleeping, as usual, so i think i'll blog a bit more.one of the things i've been reflecting on lately is how my new mindset about things has changed my relationships with people in such a huge and positive way. i am still thanking god every day and almost not believing that He has come and done this for me, after all these years of struggling. the accompanying security and confidence this realisation (of my significance and personal worth in christ) has definitely made relating, interacting and dealing with people a whole lot easier. my conversations with my parents are a lot more civilised now, as a result of this. i don't feel so useless or unloved if my mother starts to criticise and blame me...and with some god-given guidance i am even able to diffuse her criticism and divert her attention to better things sometimes. ditto for my sarcastic and at times, unreasonable father. in fact he's started to tone down on his sarcasm and bad temperament, which is always good news. as for my brother, hmm....he hasn't really called me derogatory names to as high a degree and as frequently as before, but i think if he does, i trust it won't affect my self-esteem so badly now. and i don't feel so alienated from society anymore. though i still haven't got general social rules and norms down pat, i think just being confident in and comfortable being myself even though i may not necessarily be doing something appropriate or right makes it easier to get along or click with people. some of us still have our different views, but i no longer get angry or, on the flip side, start to panic, if the other person doesn't take too kindly to my action or opinion towards something. of course i am not going to take it to an extreme and say okay, i don't care if walking around in the nude is inappropriate but i am just going to do it anyway (just an exaggerated example; no cause for alarm as i have never been a nudist), but i am seeing that taking a stand for being or acting different from the norm and being proud of it (as in firm on it) actually causes me to be viewed in a more positive light than if i had just gotten affected and allowed people's comments to jeopardise my level of significance or personal worth. i also found that it helps not to hang around or take heed of people that really do me no good and will always see me through the coloured glasses their mindsets have tinted them with. simply speaking, if certain people are going to put me in a box and put me in a category or label that i know for sure does not belong to me, it is no longer my problem to care or worry that they might ruin my reputation by telling others of their opinions. ditto for people who misread my actions and intentions behind them. either they will just have to open their eyes in time and find out i am not that kind of person, or they can go on believing what they want to believe for all i care. i realised that the people who hear those fabricated rumours or preconceived notions about me will eventually see me for who i am, should they choose to test their theories, and those that don't are not worth cultivating solid friendships with since they are so fickle as to believe the presuppositions of others instead of asking me to my face. i know for sure that i am worth something (and worth something of priceless value, too) here on earth now, even if anyone chooses to continually tell me otherwise. i have also found a way to be confident of myself without being egotistic (used to struggle with that when i was a kid)....by being confident of myself in christ. and this confidence and personal worth is something nobody will ever be able to take away from me again, because i have placed them in christ, and He is the One person who will never fail to safekeep these things that i have invested in Him. |
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