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read between the lines
first week of 2008 i'm moaning in mock horror because now i've really got a huge pile of stuff to update from here. i just haven't had the time to. whatever time i get is either not at the computer or used to catch up on sleep (yes, imagine that. me, the person who thinks sleep is a waste of time is using her free time to sleep.) but that's because i had an epiphany one day and realised one key factor that really affects my disposition for the day is how much sleep i've had the night before.but some quick notes on the new year would be that so far, it's starting out surprisingly well. if the first week was to be a representation of how this whole year would be like, then the forecast would be that this year is a promising one, full of the positive change i've been waiting and praying for. circumstances remained the same yet i did not. and it was really unbelievable, the small victories that god allowed me to win this past week, upon reflection today. victories like these: -something bad happened and it was on the tip of my tongue to swear at the perpetrator, yet i couldn't bring myself to do so, even whilst in the heat of the moment when my usual tendency is to react otherwise. -i didn't even remember the grudge i held (or rather the intense feeling of how unfair it felt to have someone do me an injustice and get away with it) against said person after two days. -i got stood up again by someone who is well, well-known for doing that, and i was surprisingly okay with it for the rest of the night. i was even able to spend time with god while waiting for the friend that never came, and not even realise the time. it's a miracle, considering that (a) praying in public has been so difficult for me to do as of late because for some reason, i either cannot focus or get interrupted, and (b) my mood usually tends to go downhill after someone stands me up, because of the disappointment after the anticipation of meeting said friend and of having to travel to the meeting place and hang around aimlessly for quite some time before finding out i did all that for nothing. (having significance, purpose and meaning to everything has always been essential to me and whenever i feel time is wasted in any way, or i am made to feel invisible and yet not allowed to leave and do something more useful instead, i really feel like shit because it implies that i am useless and insignificant, and that i am just wasting a section my limited time here on earth when i could be doing something better with it.) okay i think that's all i can manage for now. next on the list was supposed to be an update of a certain ladies' conference i attended, but the story is sooooo long (and the accompanying pictures are a lot to choose from) that it keeps putting me off. but soon, i will stop procrastinating. soon. like how i will finish clearing up my months-long task of cleaning my room soon. or like how i will finish reading at least one borrowed book soon. (no idea why, but i find it easier to devour titles on the shelves at bookshops then when they're sitting on the armchair in my room. perhaps it has to do with the perceived notion of having more time to read them.) okay! i must sleep. later note: eventually the mammoth task of updating got done, including the ladies' conference post. |
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