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read between the lines
blog housekeeping tut, tut. looks like i have a lot of cleaning up and updating to do on my blog. i don't know what's with me these past few months. it's not that i have nothing to write, nor that i don't still churn out yarns of paragraphs; it's just, after i write the whole thing i find it too private or not meaningful or too whiny to post it here. so yeah, i have a lot of filtering to do before i put everything up and stop living in a temporary shell.sigh. speaking of which, over dinner my mom brought up the talk again about our projek terbengkalai (botched project) for renovating the house. of course she felt stressed out talking about it to my dad, which in turn made me feel a little stressed as well. it's been coming close to 4 years since a corrupt contractor, a "friend" of my father's, took up the job to renovate our house (it's in my blog entries around this time four years ago). long story short, he cheated us by using cheap materials, borrowing construction tools, engaging in shoddy workmanship and cutting corners (claiming this and that cannot be done any other way except in the most crude and basic way). he overshot our budget, his workers smoked and pissed in our now nonexistent garden, so my dad fired the contractor, the house has been left half-done and things remain the same to this day. thank god for protecting us from break-ins, considering one of our neighbours recently successfully got broken into (allegedly by the same unsuccessful previous attempter). over time, i learnt to forgive and forget (or more like deliberately not think of it), but whenever my mom chances upon the topic (today she suddenly remembered who "borrowed" our metal cutter when my dad wondered aloud where it was), you can feel the frustration and regret in her voice and not being able to complete this project and get this whole house done up for goodness' sake. there is one circumstance of inconvenience that reoccurs in my mind and frustrates me whenever i have to face it, though. i have been living in a makeshift bedroom for nearly four years, and so has my brother. he has no privacy cos his room is actually an open area, while for me, i haven't had a proper bed nor a likeable place to curl up and read a book in comfort...in four years. which sucks, because i end up wasting my time like today doing nothing at home outside my room as i am very particular about how my 'hiding place' should be like (besides, how do i hide in an open area?). upon reflection, i guess she feels the pinch more because she is past career-making age and can no longer hope to save up such money since whatever pension the government pays us here is pittance, whereas for me, in the back of my mind i have a rough dream of somehow accumulating enough money to pay for construction fees and fulfilling this unfinished business. i digress, but i think i'll leave this up, since after mulling over it, i realise i have to start somewhere. hopefully i will update soon, and i bear good news, which is what this blog needs i suppose, after hiding in the shadows of decay, depression and emotional death for...most of this year. gosh i can't believe we've three months left to the end of 2008 already, and i haven't even updated (in concrete posts) since the year began. [post-entry note: i did update my blog after all...by publishing all the drafts i'd saved. figured it would be better to leave the raw emotions out than to rewrite everything now.]
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