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read between the lines
a better me it's yet another sleepless night again.i just finished reading through about a year's worth of old private entries from the pre-depression era. i was quite surprised to find such chirpy-sounding writings after being so used to the sad crap i write nowadays. i seemed so much better before. i mean, i had problems back then that did trouble me -- similar problems in some areas, even, but i was able to trust god and surrender easier than i can now. sigh. so have i gotten better or have i gotten worse? there are times i wish i never fell into depression, because it's so hard to recover the "quiet joy" (my words from way back) that was lost, even after the chronic depression phase has lifted. and this is one of those rare times. stuck there's one part towards the end of quantum of solace (spoiler alert...duh) where olga's character says to james bond, "i wish i could free you...but your prison is in here (points to his head)".that is so me right now. bond i mean. except he eventually got out of his prison and i haven't. yet. comfort food last week, i met up with these friends: chocolate fudge chocolate indulgence chocolate mud cake mocha cappucino flavor twist cookies 'n' cream english breakfast teai also met a surprisingly tasty broccoli salad (in a mix of raisins and bits of toasted bread) as well as an average-standard ham and chicken spaghetti meal. thanks to god-blessed good genes and a non-optional lifestyle which involves a lot of walking (shuttling back and forth between two countries is more calorie-burning than it sounds), i can pig out without a conscience. except when i open my wallet at the end of the week and realise i just burned a small hole in it out of my currently stagnant income. speaking of which, i hate having to start sourcing for income again. the holiday is over and i have nothing to show for it. i blew whatever free time i had and i am probably the same idiot as i was before with minimal change. shit...all these visuals are making me hungry again. :p |
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