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read between the lines
frienemy? i've just come across this term in the papers today. a whole article devoted to a term coined by carrie from sex and the city. according to it, a frienemy is the person you love to hate, the one who secretly makes you feel better when you compare their failures in life to yours. she (usually a she) is one whom you know goes around bitching behind your back, but yet something keeps you coming back for more of her company. the article went on to mention that usually one gossips about her too and that befriending her is one's own human selfish way of getting back at her while at the same time feeling better about oneself 'cos one isn't as bad as her.i agree that i have seen (and detected) quite a few frienemies around me, and yes, they happen to be female, but i disagree on the second fact that one takes delight in telling others as well about one's frienemy's latest scandal and feels good about it. i mean, if you wanna bitch about someone as well just to get back at them bitching at you, then you're already considered enemies already with that person and no longer friends, right? however i think this last statement (or question rather) holds true only to some people, depending on the type of standards they uphold or live up to....cos sadly, everyone has seen cases of true enmity where some people sweet talk each other when they're around each other and then go gossiping around behind each other's backs like some personal competitive game of "i'm one-up more than you" or something. but to call them even a part of the word 'friends' and still "love their company", as the article mentions, would be somewhat a lie really. or maybe they are friends, but they're just not true friends. which is a really sad thing indeed, 'cos i'd rather not be friends at all than to go on pretending to be friends, just to make myself feel better. but it is a sad truth that most of the female race seem to love carrying out this sort of catty, bitchy business. and yes, it does make me loathe my own race at certain points in time because i see just too many of these frienemies around and i can't stand them....and i don't just mean people outside the faith, but of course anyone knows that backstabbing and gossiping know no boundaries. the majority of females is just...like that. i also find this bit in the article particularly true as well: "men show more direct aggression in the form of violence, but women show far more indirect aggression such as gossip and exclusion. it's subtle and requires more mind-reading skills" (simon baron-cohen, pyschologist). true indeed. often i find, the people that fuel both of these activities more are the females. they are the ones that go around convincing the general (naturally) voyeuristic public that so-and-so is like this and so on. and the mind-reading bit...yeah i get what they mean. a lot of indirect sarcasm and retorts from female lips. truth be told, i actually haven't taken so bad a hit from these dangerous women these days (by the grace of god), but one of the reasons i get so worked up about it is...because it still happens. the aftereffects, or at least what happens in front of me, (currently) isn't as high-scale, but it is still saddening to note. especially the betrayal of one's trust part. it just sickens me when i hear some people spilling the beans on others, even if it's not about me. makes me...not wanna be present with them. as noticed, trust is very important to me in a friendship. and looking back, i've realised all my differences and eccentricities come handy in this sense because they've made it even easier for me to single out who my true friends are from the fake ones. which is why i said (see previous post), thanks once again to all who've stood by me through thick and thin, good times and bad. |
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