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read between the lines
so what's new as to be expected. a day stuck at home is always a day of hell. no matter how much i try to control my anger, no matter how much i tahan, i will eventually b-u-r-s-t. and i just did. at 1.30am in the morning after the last incident for the day.i hate my parents. i hate my brother. i hate my family. god, why oh why oh why did you put me here with them, sometimes i just shake my head and wonder. today i was feeling very oppressed and frustrated. at the injustice done to me and at the appalling state of reason my parents choose to make some of the decisions they make. sometimes i just cannot help but ask this rhetorical question: what kind of parents would do things like this? no, this is not some gripe for an irrational cause...i seriously feel that their style of leadership and the reasoning that goes behind their decision-making leaves a lot to question. 1. the dog's gum got a bit detached today (it was hanging out of his mouth at an unusual angle). my parents are refusing to do anything abt it or even send him to the vet. 2. my brother was playing a computer game of the "playing god" genre, the one that allows you to watch your characters bathe naked and walk around in underwear (yes, you know what game i'm talking about. i'm surprised they don't have the commands "fornicate" and "masturbate" among their choice of actions for their characters). my parents dont even care! 3. my mom got angry cos she hadnt bathed yet n she had to wait for me to finish. but other nights i'm the one who's had to wait while both my parents bathe late n it's supposed to be okay the other way round? and a whole lot of other things. like how they always end up eating dinner extremely late and causing me to get an upset stomach when i already have a weak stomach in the first place. (can i cook? what if there's no food in the house except all those tiny tidbits that leave you craving for more and never fill you up? it's not even like i'm allowed to walk out and buy my own dinner...) i had a new realisation about my parents today: they don't care about the things they're supposed to be really caring about, and they care too much (until it becomes overkill) at the petty things that really don't need much caring about. oh how warped the world is. btw, my brother, naturally, refused to listen to me when i tried to advise him, as would any normal horny guy who becomes ensnared by the "sex sells", perverted nature of the world. the only thing i can do is pray. not exactly in the mood to pray for someone i don't particularly like, so there, but oh well i have to. in fact the only thing i can really do about all of the above incidents is to pray. oh i want SO much to be away from all this right now...to have just that one day of retreat to pray all day about the things that bug my mind so...but sigh, parents just don't understand. they never will. as in they don't get the whole retreat idea thing. they just don't get it. this is one of the reasons why i miss meta uni. there are many, many times i wish i was back there again, free to be alone and collect my thoughts and talk to god about all this. i hate this shithole. it's amazing i haven't gone insane more than i usually have this week, or the fact that i've broken down less often than usual this week with all the chaos around me. it's really God's grace. |
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