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read between the lines
that familiar feeling bad jessica. baaaad baaad person for staying up late. but i can't help it, the music's too good to leave.i feel...well i feel what i feel, and that's that. i think i'll let J.D. and one of his wise capitulations sum it up. "I think one of the most universal human experiences is feeling alone. You'd never know it, but there's most likely tons of people feeling the exact same way. Maybe because you're feeling abandoned. Maybe because you realize that you aren't as self-sufficient as you thought. Maybe because you know you should've handled something differently. Or maybe because you aren't as good as you thought you were. Either way, when you hit that low point, you have a choice. You can either wallow in self-pity...Or you can suck it up. It's your call."i've wallowed for too many years so, suck it up it is for me. oh, and throw in the fact that my 'new' cg of 6 months is still a mystery to me. not that i wasn't partly to blame. but...it's a long story. i don't feel terrible, i just feel...like something's missing, no matter how many friends i get to know (especially when the Divine Hand tends to sweep you friends away to faraway countries for His own perfect purposes). and i just wish god would give it to me sooner -- except that He won't because i have to discover it for myself in Him through waiting, waiting, waiting on the world to change...oh wait, that's john mayer. waiting obedience trust faith oh i've heard these all year but i've been digging in my heels because the cold hard truth always sucks to follow through with. but then again i've let caesar IV and the internet steal my sleep and most of my quiet time for the past few days, so maybe that's it. there's just something obsessive in me that must win that game before being able to release myself from its grasp -- and only two weeks ago i was complaining that i had no games good enough to keep me hooked. haha. |
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