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read between the lines
finally i get to sleep it's been so long and i've waited all week to be able to get enuff rest...and now the end of the week has come. i work alternate saturdays but thank god it's not tomoro. as usual the place was freezing, but somewhere in the middle it jus stopped feeling like the arctic....mebbe someone heard my complaint and turned the temperature down, hee hee....actually the ppl in my department are very nice ppl n i shud be thankful [and thanks all who prayed, pls continue] but i still hate work....i dunno....i jus hate it. it's always cold enuff to snow inside, even though i've got a medium-thickness jacket on and a mug of hot water nearby, and i dun approve of staring straight at a computer screen [with no filter summore] for 4 to 5 hrs straight per day. and i dunno....i jus dun relly take pride in my job. so far god has been relly good, cos i have nice colleagues, a nice boss and a light workload....but....i dunno...working in an office is definitely not the thing for me. and i have no interest in what i'm doing. to me, pr is common sense. it's practical stuff. that's the only reason why i ever topped it in the first place. i dunno....i'm thankful that God is kind to me by giving me a good situation, but....like i said....anyway, dun wanna talk about it. but hey i found a bookstore at my place! jus across the road is anchorpoint, which is like two floors only of shops (the rest are residential floors), and i'm not too familiar with the basement level. but on wed i was looking at the directory of shops and my eyes rested on...."the book cove". so i took note of the shoplot no. and went searching for it downstairs...and i found it hiding below the elevator. so that's why i missed it! anyway, it has this huge plastic frog at the side that croaks whenever you walk in and out....which is pretty cool and unique i guess, since i'm not relly used to the sound yet. the place is mostly geared towards the kids so they have more books for kids or tweens than they do for teens or young adults. but the tween books are pretty cool, some of which i've never seen before in my life, so they make a great read while trying to relax my mind during lunch break. btw i dun think it's retarded to read books meant for younger ppl, cos sometimes i admire the style in which they write it in, and sometimes i tend to mimic their style unconsciously while i'm hooked on that book. i mean, i do take note of the style, how the writer writes it a certain way to communicate on the same level as the tweens they write for, and i find it interesting, the way they write it...i forgot how to describe it, but in poetry it'd be called "poetic licence". and the thing is, i can easily switch to adult titles right after that and not have a problem comprehending their words. it's just that i'll have to have a dicky with me if i'm reading a really chim book...haha....like last time when i was 12, having a dicky by my side was a must when i was reading agatha christie. every page contained a chim word. and today i think the coffee really cleared my brains. i actually stopped eating mcdonald's like i have been, everyday since i started work, and decided to treat myself instead. i got western food and cappucino....at an affordable price. SIM cafeteria...n the atmosphere was really nice today...when i came there was almost no one there. i mean, not so empty until it's freaky, but it wasn't crowded like during lunchtime. and i was really able to sit down and think for once this week....and try to plan how to live my life. cos this week, the coldness at my workplace has made me sleepy, made me fall asleep when it gets coldest the most. wednesday was the worst cos i just dropped my head on the table and lay in that position for half an hour, when my supervisor said she was going out. when she came back she found me and asked if i was okay. i jus said "yeah, sure" and got back up. and after lunchtime i dozed off for 5 mins or sth... at least today when it wasn't so cold (thank god! mebbe He decided to answer my prayers for one day...haha), i didn't even fall asleep once...though in the morning there was one part where i felt like dozing off, and then a colleague wanted to use the scanner at my table, so that woke me up and made me more alert. either that or it's lack of sleep. but i dun think so cos on wed i purposely rushed home early, did a lot of walking when woodlands started jamming up, and slept my earliest this week, which got me nearly 7 hrs of sleep. and i still fell asleep on thursday, but for intervals of ard 5 mins only compared to wednesday. or mebbe it's a culmination of me not getting enuff sleep the whole week, i dunno. but i kinda think it's a form of escapism, this sleeping thing. cos when i sleep i lose consciousness of the fact that i'm feeling like a block of ice; i just doze off. and escapism seems to be my normal routine lately. the weeks when i was free i'd been trying to run from my problems by looking for other things to do, and that's bad cos that doesn't even solve the problem(s). i've thinking of an impromptu list now (below), it's not like i planned it. Jessica's Forms of Escapism 1. sleeping 2. trying to lose myself in books 3. drowning myself in music 4. going for movies 5. bowling 6. going to some quiet place to think, like kap or sth 7. staying over at someone (who can put up with me)'s house...btw thx once again for those who did (i dunno, but this mon when i was distraught the only place i cud think of was kap...cos i've always been there to think in the past, when i needed to. there's this spot away from public view, behind the pillar downstairs, and that's a good place to think in private, without ppl staring at you when you're praying or wondering why your "notebook" takes so many pages to write "notes" in and stuff like that.) so far i've only done 1,3 and 6 this week cos i've been so packed up with work this week to be left on my own to think of how unsettled i am. it's weird, but since wed i've had no room in my head to think about anything other than work and getting to sleep a.s.a.p. on one hand, that's a bad thing, cos i got no time to plan, but on the other hand, i noticed it the minute i felt it on wed that it's pretty great not being able to think about your problems or your worries any longer. i mean, i really couldn't think that day, try as i might. the thought jus didn't last long in my head before i could feel myself slipping away into a dark quiet (sleep). anyway, tmr i hope to plan out things out for next week and try to get myself back on track. for tonite, i'm gonna rest and be glad i'm waking up real late tmr. |
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