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read between the lines
down in the mouth feeling a bit down in the mouth right now. maybe i shouldn't have [...]. i don't know. but for what it's worth, i'm gonna blog some thoughts before i go on a fasting term again. i think it's high time i should anyway, especially since i feel myself starting to slip.i've noticed something. there's this change in my fellow bloggers that has caught on to me that i cannot deny. the closer they get to god or the more they are focused on Him, the less they blog. for notable reasons which i'm starting to feel since i started this whole fasting thing. it's like after you fast, you realise the things of this world like what you fasted on don't really matter anymore. but tonight, i feel like letting out my thoughts somewhere. and i don't wanna be almost silent for the whole of this october log. hence i shall blog. the anger thing, thank god hasn't been so bad yet so far. yes, i've had thoughts, urging me, practically encouraging me to let my anger brew, but, by the grace of god, i have not allowed them to expand to full capacity. mostly it's thoughts about stuff that people said or did in the recent past. stuff that, when taken in rationally, shouldn't have the potential to anger that much, but when replayed over and over in the mind, has the power to do otherwise. one of the key things that gets me mad is i hate being misunderstood. and lately certain individuals seem to keep misunderstanding me. and usually i just feel the pressing need to correct them. but thankfully, for now, i'm not letting my anger grow. came across this yesterday which i found rather encouraging (highlighted in italics), but to most, i suppose it wouldn't: "No one stood by me the first time I defended myself; all deserted me.i guess that just made me stop and think. the last part is something only a person who has truly learnt to forgive (aka. a person with the heart of christ) would do. and since i'm a "saint who sins" (according to neil anderson) who's trying to emulate christ, i should do the same too. but another thing about that text. besides offering a solution opposite to anger, i guess it helped me focus on the prize. cos lately, there was an incident that rekindled my old feeling of feeling left out. allow me to illustrate. for the most part of my life, usually, i am the girl who...doesn't get invited to most gatherings or parties or outings, but somehow i come to hear of it and i end up being there (if i do) by chance or by some irreversible reason...and the worst part is, walking in and finding out that my so-called friends are right there among the crowd and apparently, they didn't think to invite me. recently, something like that happened...again. as a human and a person with feelings, of course my first reaction is...[fill in the blanks yourself. hint: it's not one of anger]. but being reminded that even a great guy in the eyes of the lord like paul went through something like that too and even had the kindness to say, "May God not count it against them" pulls me back to my feet and keeps me in check of what i should do. |
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