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read between the lines
time alone been reflecting on more memories lately. realise a lot more bad memories pop up of my parents than do good ones. realise some people fade away as friends as quickly as the grass withers. realise i've been going on and on about the same agenda, coupled with more or less the same attitude, for quite one week plus (max two) already. i need a reformation.it's definitely time for a change. i have been longing and longing for the one thing which i have been deprived of for so long already -- time away with god. hopefully, if all goes well according to plan, i might just finally do that tomorrow. some people don't get it when i say i need time alone. no, scrap that, i should say, most people (including my parents). guess cos they don't get what time alone means to me. so to clear the air, i will mention a bit of what i do in so-called "time-outs" on my own: talk to god. a lot. journal. muse. reflect on events worth reflecting on. recollect my thoughts. look at the scenery / environment. (hence why i like sunsets and stargazing) if it hasn't already been emphasised enough (haha), the bulk of my quiet time goes to conversations with god. yes, i have my own version, but then again, so does everyone else. which is why i need somewhere quiet. because i don't wanna be interrupted. and also cos people think i'm siao when they see what looks like a girl talking to thin air. so i've had to resort to having most conversations telepathically with god. but i am a very verbal person. i realised there actually is a difference in actually talking it out than just thinking to god. i always feel like i've managed to get more off my chest after i've verbally said it out, compared to just sending thoughtwaves. everyone has different ways of coping with stress and oncoming boulders and this is my way of dealing with them. so there. the next time i say i want to be alone, i hope you understand. (this last sentence is for those of you that don't know me so well...or for cases where somehow my explanation for solitude is so lousy that you just think i'm either nuts or i'm trying to brush you off, neither of which is true.) |
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