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read between the lines
cold reception it was like the atmosphere just changed suddenly. even my friend noticed it too. i went to collect some stuff (and also come over just to visit) what used to be the old organisation i used to be affiliated with...and i was met with a cold reception.there was a warning on the way up...one of the students had a hint of stiffness about her, but when we got up, i was quite taken aback. i came over, all smiles, and i got none back. conversation was terse, as if there was a "what are you doing here?" cloud hanging over our heads. if i'd have typed out the conversation here, it would have sounded normal, but if you had been there and seen it play out, and watched the expressions on their faces....you would have known the conversation was anything but normal. there were underlying tones of...unwelcomeness in their interaction with me. i was thinking to myself, like what have i done wrong? i mean, i always knew somehow or other i never really fitted in with them, but the last two meetings we had together, they were surprisingly nice so i thought our ties were beginning to be mended. it started when my friend and i attended that farewell for the 3rd years, and everyone was more friendly than usual that my friend said maybe they really are nice people after all. but on hindsight maybe they were just glad to get rid of me, so that could've explained the reason for their unusual gladness in seeing my friend and i off. and then there was this other briefing that i went to, which they called up because they neeeded manpower for their thingy that week. and i had expected a cold reception then but everyone seemed so warm but for all i know, they were just being nice because they needed my help. the only wrong that i can recall ever doing them was not coming over to help out for their thingy, but i already called in sick and it's not like i purposely wanted to fall ill just so i couldn't go. i came up there wanting to apologise, but i stopped mid-sentence when i looked at the grim look on one of their faces. the only reasoning i can come up with is...what rumour have they heard this time? i mean seriously. i know i shouldn't expect higher, but i always find it hard to swallow when christians act that way. i mean, i just thank god that that was not the reception i walked into when i first joined this organisation. cos like, how are they going to bring people to christ with that kind of attitude? i mean they say they have this motto to bring the unknown to jesus and yet to their own brethren they treat them with contempt so, i can't see how we're going to bring in the jessicas (read: the queers) of this world into that door if all they want is their sugar-coated, fits-their-criteria clique. and i just don't understand their politics. i don't understand how the staff of a supposedly christian environment can entertain rumours and gossip and allow it spread. i don't understand how some of the staff can believe what other staff say about me that just isn't true instead of taking my word for it or at least asking me face-to-face if i'm really like that. and i just don't understand how come sometimes, my non-christian friends can treat me with so much more dignity than their christian counterparts. it really makes you wonder who your real friends are, and who's being nice because they really want to, and who's putting on their masks because they have to. |
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