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read between the lines
good friday this early morning is good friday. the remembrance of the day that jesus hung on that cross and died for me. sometimes i wonder if jesus, being human, never felt so alone and deserted as during the time when he hung like a slab of meat on that cross waiting to die. his disciples fled, peter disowned him out of fear, everyone from the robbers to the guards scorned him, and worst of all his (and our) Heavenly Father turned His face away from him.sometimes i feel that too...feeling alone in a sea of faces. especially after someone tells me something i'd rather wish i never knew. it puts me in a position where i don't know who to trust and therefore i don't know who to talk to. and those i feel safe talking to are no longer safe to talk to anymore, because....our words get stuck in the mists of awkward silence. we don't know how much we can reveal to each other. at least i don't. and it's not like i can force a person to speak up if they don't want to either (and even if i could i would'nt). but yet after all that he still stuck to his guns and even had the heart to say, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." oh how i wish i could have such readiness in my heart to forgive those who've hurt me time and time again by their unkind, untrue and unjustified words. and to the people who start to doubt my integrity by believing the lies...so fickle, so many of them. why don't they just ask me to my face and give me fair trial? because such is our society, we prefer to keep things unspoken, rather than just being transparent. jesus was a man who stood by his cause. i admire the fact that because he loved his Father so much and he loved us (among other reasons), he obediently allowed himself to be handed over and to suffer instead of running away. and because of that everyone throughout the timeline of mankind's history who believed was saved. oh, love that found me. unconditional, eternal, rewarding love. i can honestly say (but then again so can millions of others) that without jesus' love i would have never held up amidst the tide of ongoing, ever-present rumours that continue to dog me most of my life (and will continue to i presume) and become the person i am today, secure in christ. true, i still lack confidence, but when rumours threaten me with the same old excuse, (at this point and time in my life) my one reference of security is Jesus, my indestructible and 100% reliable source of inner confidence. thank you, Jesus, for dying on the cross for me and everyone else. |
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