Recording my journey of trying to make it through life and find God, joy, purpose and meaning along the way...basically in search of eternal life here on earth.

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read between the lines

Monday, June 05, 2006

genting

church camp was, i have to say, better than expected, blew all my expectations away. not to say the speaker was fantabulous, in fact compared to the previous speaker 2 camps ago (which was full of life, funny anecdotes and genuine warmth) this speaker was rather dry (felt like i was back in secondary school with those boring books and those lectures that felt like they were being read off our notes instead of taught). but no, i have not come to belittle the speaker in anyway, that's just his own way of teaching.


but i will definitely say that this camp was a lot more beneficial and meaningful to me than i ever thought it needed to be. first let me say, with gladness, that everything i was worried about before or during the camp was taken care of by God with amazing swiftness and gracious allowance. which is really a blessing in itself because it served as a form of reassurance to me, reassurance that He was there listening and He cared about my disturbances or problems (he even took care of the little "problems" which i didn't pray about).

maybe it's the location itself, because genting has always had a special place in my heart for having great quiet time (besides the obvious reason which is the theme park rides lah). being up there felt more like a retreat than a camp to me and i really do think there was a reason why i had a view of nature's skyline and greenery instead of the swimming pool or some other boring view. reason being, He knows i see something more in the skies than do others. i mean to most people a beautiful scenery is just good wallpaper (and good on the eyes), but for me there's always some kind of 'God' element to it.

anyway i am not going to dwell on the great food and the wonderful sort of independent feeling i got from all the usual little perks that come with great room service and housekeeping...that's all a bonus. what really meant the most to me was that i did manage to have a phenomenal quiet time up there with God in the nights (the view from my balcony of which, was awesome, consisting of lightning bolts in the distance, clear starry skies including a big letter J hanging above my head-actual star sign btw-, pale pink clouds and others) and really actually sit down, be still and listen out for Him.

time really did stop for me those nights and when i actually thought of it, it's been many years since i've really had the opportunity or mood to settle down, drop out of the rat race of high-drama life and its constant worries and just calm down. and calming down and not always feeling on-the-move proved indeed beneficial, because it made me able to hear His voice loud and clear. not literally, or else i would probably freak out, but...you know what i mean. but He told me what i needed to hear...for now. about my future (more or less confirmed) job life and others.

no, i wasn't told where i was going or what to do next, but i was assured there is indeed a plan, and not just any lousy slip-shot plan by somebody's classmate, but a well-organised, orderly one, already set in place by a god who set in place the stars and the planets in such a way that kept them from colliding with each other.being in that strangely calm state up there was akin to being lost up in the mountains before having to return to the valleys of trials and tribulations.

but i am grateful indeed that that strange calmness has not left me so fast since i got transported back to real life and its demands, though i admit it is beginning to wear thin in the midst of everyday family challenges, which intensified both yesterday night and tonight. but more on that later, let's not spoil the mood.