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read between the lines
of jessica and her retarded social skills today's graduation thingy was actually kinda sucky. with a little icing on top here and there when i saw some friendly faces of students and teachers alike, but still...felt kinda isolated. everyone had their kakis to talk to and it just so happened that they happened to sit near them (it wasn't free seating, else i'd have sooner found someone to chat with), while my kakis...it just so happens they are still repeating some modules. namely, my papadum n chapati. man, without the charlie's angels, everything else just sucks.it was obvious i couldn't fit, and since i'm not a social animal, that made me all the more socially retarded. you know how sometimes it's a bit awkward to say hi if other people don't make the first move but instead choose to say hi to someone else, and then you're just sitting there wondering whether you should say hi or not and before you know it, the moment has passed and the longer you don't say anything, the harder and more awkward it gets to muster a hi because it's just weird to suddenly say hi to someone if they've been sitting right in front of you for half an hour. guess that's the disadvantage of getting a grade higher than the rest and therefore having to sit in a place separate from the others, where there might be pockets of people here and there whom you might feel more at ease talking with. the after 'party' left me running like a lone rabbit,dashing among the crowds of people and giving out eggs of greetings and well wishes to those i knew as more approachable. it was then that i took the opportunity to call up a few famously missing extra kakis...and found out they had unknowingly stood united by choosing to snub the event. smart kids. was i dumb for coming anyway? i wondered that for a split second. but no, overall i am still glad i came anyway. there was a tv episode i used to watch (can't even remember now what it was) where the father gave his son (who was dogged by bullies every day he walked into school and felt like skiving) this piece of very true advice: sometimes the best thing you can do is just show up. which i did and i'm glad about anyway. because life isn't about what people think you are, but who you think you are, and what god thinks you are. another story on how the rest of the day threatened to descend into. but thanks to catlover for your cathartic effect. the movie, book and cd made me feel better indeed (don't get any ideas, you who's reading. these items are all on loan!). and i'm glad that at the end of the day, i made the right choice, the choice i had to make alone. |
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