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read between the lines
career talk tonight on ambush argument (as opposed to ambush makeover):jessica gets a surprise bashing at what would usually be a normal dinner outing with her parents at one of their very regular hangouts. "the talk" about her non-existent career life arises and watch as her parents pile the pressure on her. will she survive? find out next...on ambush argument. (clips of "oh" "my" "god" from jessica (as opposed to snippets of the conversation: "we're not trying to put pressure on you, but..." isn't that like, contradictory? "it's not about that, but..." (in response to me saying i have no reason to worry because i have complete faith god will provide me a job when it's time) then what is it about? i think the whole kopitiam knows, from our conversation, about what course i got into, how i'm bonded for 3 years and when i just graduated. haih. but we'll probably still go there again for dinner like we usually do, considering that kopitiam has tolerated worse through the years. violent fights with my brother and i, shoutout matches with my parents, and once, even a parang-wielding man chasing down the road in front of the kopitiam after some man he probably had dealings with (at least the last one wasn't drama created by my family). but what i don't get, that is really making it so much harder for me to understand my parents, is this. they ask me tonight "why haven't you found a job? are you trying hard enough?" and blah blah blah even though i can honestly say i have prostituted myself to at least 30 companies already and counting, but yet their actions tell me otherwise. from what i could deduce from tonight, they want me to get a job and move out (i mean wth like as though i have not entertained thoughts of finally being away from all the crap i have to take), but yet they still try to be control freaks and give me stupid rules like insanely early curfews (in a way that has kind of marred my opportunities towards getting the job i really wanted to take up) and they balk everytime i actually do get a (temp) job or come close to getting it, always trying to talk me out of it as if they don't want me to work. later, my mother has been getting on my case about money issues, she nags and nags about it and adds in a few action steps (like restricting my allowance), then when i try to get a temp job she gives me a hundred and one reasons why i shouldn't take it up. wth...it's like she wants to gain control over my life by controlling my income, and yet we have this talk today about how i should get a job soon. confusing or what. what do my parents want, i really don't know. and somehow i get the feeling they are not sure themselves. it is times like these i get so angry i feel like purposely getting a job as a toilet cleaner or roadsweeper and moving out immediately. (hey you never know, everyday, i wake up and i pray for 2 things: god, help me be a less angry person and a less easily-angered person. today, i add one more: god, help me handle pressure well. confrontations were never my forte, you know that, so please help me. so many things to learn, so many things. perhaps this could be practice for whatever i will face in the working world, who knows. |
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