|
|
|
read between the lines
new year, new year i've tweaked frank sinatra's famous song title for this entry's title. i can think of one new year's resolution already: update one year's worth of missing posts! haha.for the first time in my adolescent life i actually feel pretty contented counting down at home with the telly on and my family in the next room (sorry but we differ on which country's televised countdown we choose to watch). okay, so part of the reason is because i'm not feeling so well but i sure don't feel like i'm missing out on anything, the way i used to feel countdowns past. if it is true that how the eve is spent is a symbol of the year to come, then what better way to spend it than in my homeland, with my human and canine (and additional feline) family (minus my brother who's at camp), with the much-needed time and space to retreat and reflect in quiet? had an unexpected family dinner tonight combined with my aunt's family and a few of their colleagues, which was nice...except for the part where they served white rice. unfortunately, the chinese-course restaurant we were at did not serve noodles by the bowl but rather by the table, and since i was the only one protesting i had to return home and stock up on apam baliks (malay version of waffles) to appease my ravenous appetite. my uncle and aunt eventually revealed the reason for the surprise occasion: the day of their wedding anniversary! their marriage is as old as me, get a load of that. i hadn't even known these facts until tonight, because we rarely get to see them as they reside elsewhere. their enduring union of two people from two (initially) different religions is something worth admiring. reflections of the year that would soon end (and now already has) were pretty similar to the ones i had on my birthday. i am relieved to have made it through the twin ordeals of post-terrorist security-tightening checkpoint jams and the two worst cases of sexual harassment i have received in my few short years on one of planet earth's safer regions. it became clear to me tonight that my parents have no idea what anxiety, anger and feelings of helplessness a sexually-harassed person goes through as they pitied the older woman who was currently harassing one of my uncle's colleagues, a guy around my age. the colleagues were discussing how to dissuade her from hunting down this poor guy and threw in a few innocent jokes at her, and this was what my parents were against and were pitying her for. it nearly turned into a verbal argument in the car as they stuck to their opinions (mostly my mother) while i spoke up in defence of the guy. of course my cause was personal, i said, having the exact same situation happen to me (let's not even talk about the factory-working stalker from the checkpoint) and of course i discussed courses of action and made the same jokes, if not worse ones because i was so initially bitter and angry that this was happening to me. plus this was merely the worst of the worst cases i had been dealt with, not to mention the other sickos i had encountered in the past from work and even church. but in the end my mother stuck to her guns and came to a truce of respecting each others' opinions. well, at least i'm learning early in life what the world is like, in the streetwise sense. with that said, i marvel at how i made it through the longest term (yet) at work despite these trials and others, because i know myself to be weak-willed. for that i thank god for his two verses of the year to cling on to, the patient friends he has put in place and everything else that he has provided -- that whole package made up of providence, grace, mercy, strength, intervention and the like. in terms of personal-spiritual growth, i have definitely moved forward, albeit slowly and minimally. it does not matter that a few who haven't seen me for some time think i have not changed for the better, as long as god and i know (together with the confirmation of a few fellow believers) that's fine. and that attitude in itself is a change. i am similarly thankful, relieved and glad that, two days shy of the new year, god has literally confirmed in writing his financial providence towards me. not only is the timing perfect, but also the amount and the place, seemingly so. and this is indeed good news, considering the current financial climate as well as my previous struggles in this area. i don't know what this year ahead holds, but it looks promising. and even if it doesn't turn out to be a better change of circumstance, i have hope that my ability to endure will grow, even if growth is slow. |
|
|
.jpg){kind=link}