deconstructing jessica

what transfixed me was the amount of reassuring (and in no way lustful) physical touch in that movie. it evoked in me the memory of being able to live fearlessly and with confidence (to be the truest sense of myself), just from being hugged (and other similar gestures) more, like what i experienced during my short time in the States. i'd somehow forgotten the feeling, and to just watch it on screen somehow seemed to convey the same emotions and made me yearn for that truer version of me to come out again.

[note: spoilers ahead. it's now 2 weeks since i last wrote the above (having been interrupted with my parents waking up and me having to shut down the desktop in the hallway -- finally had the money to get a brand new laptop today), and i've read half of the novel so far, having given it a pass the first time (which was shortly after the last time i re-saw the movie), because its first few pages read like a typical chick lit story. i decided to pick up the novel again last thursday (as school ended for the week), and almost put it down again, save for the reviews about how well this book described English characteristics and how familiar the two main characters were.

i felt really uncomfortable reading the first two chapters (i was in a public place and for some reason i was extremely conscious of the fact that if i tilted the book too high up, people would see the cover depicting anne hathaway and jim sturgess about to kiss) and kept looking up every few sentences, as if people could read my thoughts (ooh, they'd snigger, a closet romantic). but today, after missing the dinnertime screening of my daily ritual that is cloud atlas due to transport woes, i ended up in a nearby cafe and read the book from chapter three all the way to just before the thirties segment arrived, which is remarkable given that i haven't ploughed through that much reading in one day in almost a year.

the book helped me understand things i didn't get in the movie, like why dex's mum looked so hot (because she's supposed to support the freudian notion of sons liking mothers), or how dex's father could tell that dex was drunk (because in the movie, the only obvious thing he did in front of his parents was drool while taking a long nap, whereas in the book, his dried sweat actually smelled of vodka).

the book also reminded me of exactly which point it was in the movie that i started to personally invest myself from then onwards -- when dex says:

"If I could give you just one gift, do you know what it would be? Confidence. That or a scented candle. -- One Day (movie version)

i'll probably harp on the book more when i'm done with it, but back to the movie, i think that line probably resonates with all female wallflowers -- it summed up what dex was trying to do throughout the movie (right up to his last moments with em before her death) and sort of made all the bad qualities in dex forgiveable.

the other scene that i remember vividly being affected by (strangely, i seemed to get more instead of less affected with each re-watch), was when dexter's dad advises dex to live as though em was still alive. that struck a chord with me, because i read it as "live as though snowy was still alive". although it's a side note in the sense that it made me think of my beloved dog, it was still relevant in that my main takeaway from this movie was missing the confidence that came from reassured through touch (even days before his death, i remember squatting, holding onto and stroking that white furry ball beneath my feet, feeling troubled about life but eventually having that feeling dissipate after a long moment of holding onto him like that).

and i like that the movie ended with how the first meeting (that started it all) played out, especially with the "whatever happens tomorrow, we have today" quote and the two characters bidding goodbye for the time being, but not farewell. it made the ending easier to accept than sweet november, which left me in emotional distress for days (i saw it as a teenager so that was probably a contributing factor as well :p). it also made me happy for the 'one day' moments of my life, points in time where i was in good company (not necessarily romantic) and in an elated mood.

the final thing that's noteworthy about this movie is the aftereffect it's had on me. the past few months have seen me either struggle to wake up like it's a drag (almost as bad a feeling as the one i used to have when i was stuck my last corporate job a few years back), or wake up in a state of distress (even up to two months ago, there are times when i awake feeling extremely disturbed by how unfamiliar the dark silhouettes of my room look because i still expect them to resemble the ones in my hotel room in the States).

whereas, in the two weeks since i last re-watched one day, i've been running low on sleep but waking up without feeling tired, waking up like i have something to live for again. i mean, i still feel troubled or sad at times (trivial things, or big ones like how to avoid re-entering the corporate rat race after graduating this april and yet survive financially), but i'm a lot more hopeful about the things that trouble me than i was before.

it's made me think a lot about the concept of tiredness -- how it's probably dependent on one's state of mind after all, kind of like what i happened to read in joel osteen's recent posting. the only other time i can recall (in recent memory) feeling this loved (is that the right word? reassured? confident? touched?) by a fictitious character was when i devoured the entire trilogy of the forbidden game two years ago when the book's re-issue came out (i hadn't read the series since i borrowed it from a friend as a teenager and hadn't expected the book's sentiments to withstand the test of time).

and it obviously says a lot about how well the acting in one day is. if the two protagonists didn't share any chemistry or corpsed during scenes, the movie would have bombed and i would have failed to suspend my disbelief (in how two completely opposite characters managed to remain in close contact through the years) for sure. it's probably my bias towards dex's character, but i particularly enjoyed watching the unpredictability of jim sturgess' performance (like how his eyes bugged out when he said "those who can, do" or the deleted scene in which he had the most natural-looking facial expressions when posing for em's camera in the grass).

and it sure beats one of those soppy love stories that leave me feeling unloved (forgetting the perks of being single and unfettered) as opposed to loved (experiencing the universal feeling our Heavenly Father created on a personal level), although i should point out that for the most part, romantic movies don't affect me unless (a) they're smart/thought-provoking, or (b) i watch way too many of them in a row, something i consciously avoid.