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read between the lines
faith n foundations i'm finding a lot to relate to in parousia's songs, but i'm too lazy to type it out all here. sadly, i can't seem to find their lyrics online, at least not the song i want. in reflection, i haven't changed yet as compared to how i reacted to life's pains a few posts ago. as in, i haven't quite mastered the art of having an internal locus of control (i wrote the explanation somewhere in my previous posts). n i'm realising, hey i don't wanna be a fair-weather christian. not that i really am, cos i don't run away from God when there's problems, but i've let my environment affect my countenance n my walk with God. in fact i'm jus doing what the devil wants me to do: mope and not function fully for god.i mean, today things went better. i was supposed to go out to singapore again to....do some stuff, (n ok-lah, i wanted to escape), but at the last minute some things got called off today so i didn't really have to go in the end. n i cud've gone, but i didn't n i stayed home instead....n mom n i didn't fight or anything. n my lecturer actually sent me a chinese new year card, which i thot was relly thoughtful of him, even though it was mass-forwarded, cos i mean teachers don't usually send students cards. n a few things happened today that relly....perked up my mood. n then that's when i started realising that i'm basing my happiness on my circumstances, which is relly dangerous. i mean, what if things relly suck n somebody i know dies or sth? what if my worst fears come true n i end up with some life-threatening disease? what am i gonna do then? have a nervous breakdown n go mentally insane? even if things don't turn out for the extreme (n i don't relly think it will be so most times, cos i'm pretty sure God likes to give his people breaks in-between), not having a firm something to base my countenance on is still dangerous cos then i won't be able to do as good a job as i could've done in handling life's pains. n....if it affects my walk with God, it'll affect how much i'm doing of what God wants me to do. i feel i'm doing less than what i cud've done jus because i was down and out, n like i said above, i realise that that's exactly what the devil aims to achieve in us: to blur our focus on God when we're down and make us sort of useless for God. i say sort of because i believe (in the context of these days) that it's not been so bad that i totally cannot function for God, but i do believe that i cud've done more, especially in these end times. the great divorce (c.s. lewis) talks about the ongoing separation between good and evil, n how it's getting nearer n nearer to the day of the second coming: to the parousia. it's more important than ever that we do what we're supposed to do full-force before it's too late. n a while ago it was brought to my attention that i don't have to wait for the second coming for it to be too late. i could die anytime....but would i be able to say that my work was complete? not that it ever will be, but i still feel there's so much i have yet to do, that i'm still working out yet. i mean, if i'm dead now, i'll never really learn what true faith was, to be able to trust in god under gloomy circumstances. n other things..... i guess it's easy to realise n know all this, but to actually put it into practice is something else. n yesterday when i was flipping thru the Bible i was reminded again that in the first place, the Christian walk is all about faith, right from the very foundations. our core belief, in jesus christ and his resurrection, is already a step of faith. trusting in god to provide is a step of faith. believing he's gonna come again is a step of faith. and so on n so forth. n i am constantly reminded of this verse in and out of my life: god puts people right through their faith in christ (forgot where it came from). this verse doesn't always pop into my mind whenever there's trouble but when it does i am reminded...n encouraged by it. |
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