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read between the lines
misery, misery feel like shit today. mebbe it's aggravated by the fact that Wounded Hands (Perousia) is stuck in my ears. that is a very, very sad song. makes me feel worse. i asked rhetorical questions today. why god? i asked. why do you give me parents that both hurt and anger me so? why is it so hard to get along with them? i say it's rhetorical, because i already know the answer. it's jus that it's so...hard to accept.today i don't feel like talking to anybody. i wish god cud carry me away to someplace where no one can find me, because i just don't feel like being on earth any longer. i can't even find solace in a coffee house today...my mom called me up n we started arguing! sigh. i'm so broken and i wish i cud run into god's arms and hide. god, i don't know how u did it. i don't know how u went thru all that pain and torture, and i don't know how u still hung on the tree even though it must have felt like a living hell. i don't know how you kept the end goal in sight even when you were feeling the pain and mockery all around you. i really don't know. i contemplated running away again today. but after some thought n prayer, i decided not to. not this time. sigh. wish i cud, though. n i was so mentally weary that the minute i got home i had no mood for anything but sleep. i'm up now...feel refreshed a lil. but the feeling of gloom is coming back. mebbe it's time to read that letter from satan again (see previous post). |
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