Recording my journey of trying to make it through life and find God, joy, purpose and meaning along the way...basically in search of eternal life here on earth.

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contented or pacified?

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mad about grpwork

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read between the lines

Friday, March 18, 2005

i knew it

i knew it. somebody jus had to ruffle my feathers n ruin my mood. i stick to my sentence when i say groupwork is really challenging....i cannot understand how someone can be so thick as to not even know what is going on n therefore not hand in anything.

seriously. n this is not the first time she has misunderstood such a simple menial task to do. it's like she wants our group to fail or sth, by not handing in what she's supposed to hand in to me. today relly is the last straw. i'm not as super duper pissed as i was jus a few mins ago, cos thank god He set the agenda for me again (the agenda of thinking in terms of eternity n not in the here n now).

what happened earlier was...ok, i had to leave earlier to attend the planet shakers concert thingy (which was...ok lah. nothing spectacular...but i definitely felt god there)...i even left late summore (n arrived one hr late), jus so i cud stay as long as i cud with the grp. i told her specifically, i wud drop by her hse to pick up what she's supposed to send me (i cudn't jus grab it in sch cos the rest of the grp was working on it). after the concert, i stand like pretty near her hse, n i find out she's not even home. she thot i meant i wud come another day. hello, i said later, which part did she not understand? n even if she wasn't listening to me, didn't she even hear what our grp leader said about us handing in the thing tomoro? (it's not due tmr but the leader wanted to hand it in early)

ok. fine. at that time i wasn't boiling. i only got mad when i got home. i jus said, email me ok? i said i wud call if i didn't it. she said ok. n yup, u guessed it. i come back real late, cos the planet shakers place is pretty far away, n i check my email n it's totally empty. i call her for like the 100th time n she doesn't pick up. at that time all my anger just burst open like a bulging dam. n that one expletive, which i have a problem getting rid of all my life, jus shot out of me a bunch of times today. i think it's cos i heard it being said in sch again today a few times so i cudn't get it out of my mind (it's a weak tendency i have). n i jus started getting madder n madder.

honestly, i think i called her 10 times or around there. n of cos, she never picked up. n how are we supposed to hand it in tmr if i haven't even gotten to add my part of the work into it yet?

after boiling with anger n feeling the physical symptoms i feel when i'm angry start to manifest themselves in small scale, i decided this had to stop. so i went to god.....n as i poured out my anger i asked him a whole buncha questions which he answered, one of which is how to stop being so angry. n then he reminded me again of thinking in terms of eternity. n that was the thing that put it all into perspective....i mean, when i go to heaven god's not gonna assess me based on how much i got for this grp assignment....he's gonna ask me how many souls have i helped save? have i been using His talents n not wasting them? have i glorified him with my life?

after that, the fire of anger got extinguished. it rose again as i typed the above but it's gone now again as i remember god's agenda. it's like what i wrote the other day....being content with not-so-good marks, n being willing to leave behind even good marks to follow god. yawn. presentation tmr n my other grp's meeting up beforehand to practice....which means i have to go even earlier than my already early class tmr.