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read between the lines
jesus in ur life i need some jesus in my life. the dc talk song, the live version of it sung at one of their best-recorded concerts, plays the tune of my life tonite. especially the pre-choruses....i can literally replace the word "you" with "I" and mean it....(i've emboldened those bits that just scream out "me" tonite.)i mean, i know i always had jesus in my life, n always will. but have i really had the true jesus in my life? have i really felt the true identity of God in my life, not the version of God i have made that was restricted and conformed to my design in my mind? have i? yes. but rite now, i don't think so. becos if i did, i wudn't be so faithless right now. faithless in what? faithless as in lacking the trust in Him that all will go well. i have allowed my circumstances to cause me to doubt God's providence and help in my life and in doing so, have panicked more often. it's no more what i used to be, how i used to feel....as in, my faith n strong trust in Him was in the past. but God is asking me to look at now....what does God mean to me now? today's yf talk had many points but there was this one point that stuck out to me....he, some pastor or sth guy from youth alive malaysia, said: circumstances are unreliable; they will fluctuate, but God's plan for you will never fluctuate. that was like, wow, wake up jess, i think that finally got thru your thick head. and in today's main service, we tried out an exercise i have never tried out for quite a few years....i was first introduced to it by an older brother bout 5 or 6 yrs ago....n then somewhere along the way i think i forgot or put it aside...today's topic was about love, so of cos the pastor put up the chapter in 1 Corinthians about love. n the exercise i'm talking about was.... look at the verses below. (1 Cor 13:4-8) 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails. replace your name with love. n immediately i felt like a great big hypocrite... jessica is patient, jessica is kind. she does not envy, she does not boast.....heck, i have failed in every aspect of love, so in that sense, i realised i had no love at all....i mean, no perfect love. ok, so we're all imperfect, but still....there is a certain limit to these things, as imperfect as we are, and as i filled my name in, i realised i have allowed myself n my emotions to get the better of me, so much so that i am not exuding the best god has made me to be here on earth. probably the closest i can come to love is in verse 6. be aware that i am talking of myself in terms of who i am right now. i might have been more patient, kind and less envious, boastful, etc. but that was last time. my values have eroded and now i have become a sort of love-less monster in the eyes of God. i mean, seriously, these days i do not even try to be patient anymore and my kindness has become rather selective. i am more prone to enviousness n feeling inadequate whenever i'm in rich surroundings and man i am such a big boaster when it comes to all my little pathetic problems....ok yes i was talking about yesterday. i still feel bad...and stupid for that. which is why as of today i will shut up for now and stop letting ppl noe bout what happened on friday. the "quota" is up...haha....those whom i did not get a chance to speak to i will no longer speak to about this matter. well, unless they ask. i allow myself to get easily angered and easily riled up, even over little things like ppl cutting the queue in front of me at customs, or ppl stepping on my toes n the bus n stuff......i do not even give myself a chance to cool down anymore....i jus allow my anger to take me wherever it takes me....n then i end up doing and saying things i regret later. i mean, oklah, in that area i do place a certain amount of restriction....but it's not enuff. n i cud go on and on but i have to sleep now.....and stop keeping myself up by doing useless things these days......i say i want to do something, but i end up doing something else. it's getting worse these days.....it's like every time i want to do what i know i must do, i suddenly feel the urge to put it off and do something else. by dc Talk Under these circumstances, they can hardly cope Notice their fleeting glances and their lack of hope I offer this suggestion, they don't seem to care-o This is my generation, drowning in despair-o You'll never find peace of mind in your pool of self You'll never find peace of mind in a sea of wealth You'll never find peace of mind in your rock and roll You'll never find peace of mind if you sell your soul (chorus) You gotta like it, you gotta love it I know you need some freedom from the strife You gotta like it, you gotta love it I know you need some Jesus in your life We circumvent our feelings through an angry sound He who complains the loudest, wears the fattest crown We're anti-everybody, call it paranoia Well I ain't no judge or jury, but I'm praying for ya You'll never find peace of mind in your lucky charm You'll never find peace of mind on a hippie farm You'll never find peace of mind in a one-night stand You'll never find peace of mind in your superman chorus You gotta like it, you gotta love it I know you need it You gotta like it, you gotta love it I know you need some Jesus in your life Like it, love it, need it, don't leave it Like it [don't you like it?] Love it, need it [don't you need it?] Don't leave it Ya dropped right into the middle of a freak attack Cause we're back and we're comin' like that Ya see we're lowerin' the boom in the middle of the tune Cause the funk is always heavy where it's at And while you're whining all the time Never changing any minds It is clear to see your lip has lost its button Cause if ya take a think at this Then it's easy to admit That the selfish way you're livin' is for nothing [it ain't for nothing....we only got about 70 years....you know it ain't for nothing] You gotta like it You know you need some freedom from the strife You gotta love it I know you need some Jesus in your life chorus You gotta like it, you gotta love it I know you need it You gotta like it, you gotta love it I know you, God knows you need it You gotta like it, you gotta love it I know you need it Some Jesus in your life Jesus in your life |
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