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read between the lines
hooked on music been taking out my "cruel intentions" OST and replaying it over n over again...i'm hooked once again...some of the songs in there are fantastic stuff...besides the usual suspects (fatboy slim's "praise you" and the verve's "bitter sweet symphony"), hidden in there are little gems of emotionally transcending music....like "ordinary life" by kirsten barry, who sounds like the lead singer of garbage in this track....or blur's "coffee and tv" which is....jus plain feel-good stuff. i dunno how to describe it....the guitar riffs have a sort of jingle to it....but seriously i seem to be getting backwards when it comes to music these days...hehe...keep taking old CDs n getting hooked on them....or maybe the quality of music on airplay these days has dwindled, that's more like it....sad stuff. what's more sad is, the reality of the murder of a girl one year my senior from my old high sch jus struck me today. multiple slash wounds. ouch....murdered by her indian bf. i mean, i found out earlier, which was on the day of her wake when i called my teacher up....but it didnt really register in my mind til today when news started spreading ard to others. not another one of us.... ok. subject switch. cos death is the least of my least-favoured topics. church today went surprisingly well...the service i was playing for, i mean. except for that one teeny weeny bit at the end where i played the intro for "Amen" at the wrong time....ouch! for quite some time i was walking ard church with this stupid smile plastered on my face...dunno if it was red though, but darn apparently it was obvious enuff for everyone to realise the mistake. my fren commented that maybe i wanted to end with a bang or sth to remember me by. a-ha-ha-ha. but nah, it wasn't so bad i guess. cos i got quite a lot of gd reviews as well...but like i said, it's not me, it's the holy spirit. the same goes for the rest of the band. n hey good beginning for a first-timer, worship leader. u noe who u are. as for me n my wistful-cum-reflective mood, er...i guess it's had less space to think so far cos i've had activities n events to do / attend. but man today was really a brain-killer. oh the slow torture of being at my grandparents' house. not that they're grandmonsters, though my "mama" comes close to being one with her loud voice, but it's jus that....it's always so boring everytime we're there. especially if no one else is there but us, and i can't understand most of the teochew going on. terribly boring. what a way to kill me softly. seriously i was dying of boredom and internal destruction jus having nothing to do there. and the worst part was my mom didn't even warn me beforehand so i cud grab a book or bring my laptop over to do my work. after church she jus ambushed me n said we're going to their house. i was like, what? cos usually when she says that, she will stay there for hours and hours and hours talking about i-don't know-what in that cryptic language they call chinese...teochew...whatever. and how nice of my grandmother to greet me with continuous initial insults tonite. verbal assault 101, until the point where i retorted in english. first it was the clothes...(why u wear black? i'm like, hey, my mom didn't even tell me we were going here) n then the language...n that was the really insulting part...she actually said in teochew to my mom, "you should really teach your daughter to speak teochew" n then she did a mock impression of me on the phone (cos lately she keeps calling the house when my mom's out n i have no idea how to say "car ride" in teochew), which really did it for me.... after that i jus shut my mind off n jus hurriedly finished my horrible rice-in-water meal so i cud leave the table. rice is never nice for me. n so is not being able to do anything. cos after that it was just terrible...it was a slow and agonising torture for my mind, having nothing to do over there. after a while i went to the back room to try to sleep...but for some reason the coldness of the bed and pillow, and the problems adjusting to the place prevented me from releasing my mind. seriously. now i really do believe that all you have to do to self-destruct a person is to just lock that person in a room with absolutely nothing to do. i tried to pray, tried to think, tried to reflect, but couldn't. it was just insane not being able to do anything, and i got more and more depressed as the time passed. in fact i was so bored that i sent the same message to 7 people, jus to see who would reply. strangely (or not), only 1 replied. but i kinda half-expected it anyway....2 more replied much later after the whole ordeal was over. |
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