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read between the lines
retrospective yawn. i can feel a mini-headache encompassing the lower region of my skull. i think it mus be the unusual lateness of this time of the night that i'm keeping. cos ever since the mission trip ended i've never slept this late yet. always felt tired earlier...and my body clock still wakes me by 12, proof of which showed itself today as well. so what am i doing still up? i'm such a sloth tonite...lazy, yet never too lazy to look out for something that stimulates my mind...like reading ppl's blogs. yes, the blog-reading virus has caught me again! that's why i'm still awake...and also the fact that i've got tomoro off as well :).mark crispin miller is so right when he said we're all voyeuristic in nature when you really come down to it. it's only to what degree that voyeurism in you is....it's why reality shows are popular, why some blogs get high hits all day, why bla bla bla.....i'm too tired to continue on this debate. my eyes are half open and i am sitting with my back reclined comfortably against this broken computer chair (the back wheel's gone, so when i lean back i actually lean much further than i wud in a normal sitting position). i like the feeling....i'm falling asleep. but no! i mus wake up and at least finish what i wanted to do here, tho i'm gonna do a lousy job of it here (but i don't care rite now, cos sleepiness has no space for reason). i want to note down an observation of myself today n yesterday....a lot of reviewing and reflection has occured, more than usual. today i spoke to my teacher, the one back in the days of my old alma mater....so many years it took for us to speak again. i felt a bit bad that i never made more effort to trace her contact details until now. convent is turning 80 this saturday...what a milestone. i'm thinking of coming down there again for celebrations, after much avoidance for so many years....but i dunno. i mite not be able to. i digress. this is what the lulls of sleep do to you. where was i? yeah. reflections. back down memory lane...but viewing everything in a different light somehow...i called back to mind some previous actions i did, some previous issues i was involved with....and somehow or other i'm looking at them in a new perspective...i think "the old has gone and the new has come" (it's in the new testament somewhere)...i think i'm having a paradigm shift. suddenly i feel so old when i look back on these things and recall my reactions at the time. of course, tangible material has aided in triggering my feelings and opinions of these issues at the time, and as i flip thru the stuff, it jus seems...different somehow. am i really more the wiser or is this just some short spell of sanity before procrastination and laziness sets in? ok, so the fact that i've been clearing up the stuff in my room has made it easier for me to chance upon these material items and reminisce the old ways, but...i've realised i've been doing a lot more thinking and assessing when i'm in the bus with the strains of jars of clay fading into the background of my thoughts. something my senior said today also made me realise the free (or ":freer" time) in this sem is much more precious than i originally thought: she reasoned that the courses i was taking next sem are the heavy ones whereas this sem's ones are the slack ones......so my time here on campus is limited....got me thinking, i better start doing what i'm supposed to do before it's too late...yeah, i was referring to god's work as well, among other things....god's work especially..... |
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