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read between the lines
moody "i wanna live in a wooden house making more friends would be easier i wanna live where the sun comes up.." -- we never change, coldplay i think i was right when i said i was safe if i stayed at home...or mebbe i might regret that once my family starts squabbling, haha...but yeah. it's been a up-and-then-going-down day today...i'm talking about my mood. hurm...circumstances change but god's plans never change....gotta get that drilled into my head. i think maybe the seed of sorrow was planted / crept into my heart when the person i was in the car with started playing the most miserable song u could ever hear. and he kept playing it on repeat summore...so annoying. i think with every round i could feel my spirit going down...i felt really sickened by the music. and then....i think it went further when i was allowed to get lost in my own thoughts during the frequent conversation breaks in today's jamming session....and then i think i descended when i let the cat out of the bag to someone.....and then now i don't know where i stand. actually at one point during my usual chat-to-self in the bath i felt like avoiding my church altogether. toying with the idea is a dangerous thing if you don't keep your eyes on jesus, on whom all your faith depends....(yup, it's my good news version of the hebrews 11 verse i mentioned before)....but of course the spirit almost immediately reminded me that communing with and getting restored in god is my main purpose of going to church, not anything else.... i posed this forthcoming question yesterday, but i took it out (from yesterday's post) and modified it: i wonder how we must look like to god from above...i guess we're like little dots of light moving around on this planet earth, each with our own little tendencies and needs....and i wonder what's the reaction on god's face when he sees us doing things that will ultimately cause us pain or regret, whether we know it or not when we're doing it....does god go "noooo..." and try to warn us, like he's worried for us? or does god seem sad, as he sees us take the path that leads us further down? does he get mad, mad at us, mad at me, for ruining my life or even feeling like it's ruined (not ruined forever, but temporarily) even though i have so much to be thankful for? or does he simply laugh and throw up his hands in the air? i think the one thing i'm forgetting in this picture is: god is our creator. it's just like in baptism class last week (and this week's recap): who is god? he is creator, he is supreme / sovereign, etc... god is our creator. which means he pretty much knows how his creation is going to function and what it is capable of. and wait...god is all-knowing. so he already knows what we're going to do, what i'm going to do, before we even do it. so i guess maybe god has a look of expectation on his face, in answer to my question. but i think i'll never really know, because who can comprehend wisdom from above? what is wisdom here is pure foolishness in heaven....besides, his ways are not our ways, so why am i even trying to rationalise or compartmentalise my god, the one who's so big, so strong and so mighty? (yup, thinking of that sunday school song again, cos i play it often, heh.) BAPTISM CLASS NOTES (headings): What is God? God is creator. God is holy. God is love. God is supreme / sovereign. wait.....i think i got it. god is sovereign. and he reigns supreme. which means everything on earth and on heaven is under his control. and he's holding everything together, including my life and what happens to me or the people around me or my interactions with them. ok, so it's all in good hands. His hands. time to relax and surrender to Him..... |
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