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read between the lines
stormy weather sigh...have jumped fromt the frying pan into the fire these past two days, all because of my actions. some ppl think they know me so well...but they don't because i have not the heart to tell them the full story...sigh how did i ever end up this way...i can't help it when i look back at what i did...i feel so ashamed...this song is ringing in my ears...Father please forgive me and help me get thru this....The Hardway by dc Talk Now I've been high and I've been low I've been some places that you will not go I never thought there would come the day When I wished I never would've lived this way But I've been searching for a long, long time I thought the devil was a friend of mine I turned my back on everything that was true And wasted years that belong to you (chorus) Some people gotta learn the hardway I guess I'm the kinda guy That has to find out for myself I had to learn the hardway, Father I'm on my knees and I'm crying for help It took so long for me to see That I'm a victim of nature and me Left to myself I realize I am the maker of my own demise But you accept me every time and again And never mention just how selfish I've been Why must it always take me so long to see That I have fallen, but you will forgive me? chorus 2X The warning signs are like flares in the night Still I proceed, my greed is in spite of the fire I know that's bound to burn Why is it that I always gotta learn... The hardway, the hardway, I had to learn the hardway The hardway, the hardway, I had to learn the hardway Forgive me Father, please forgive me.... how did it come down to this? i ask myself. how did i end up having to do this in the end? sigh.........i wish i had never gone down this road....and i wish i never have to again.....but God, make Your way in me; Your will be done and not mine....if i have to go through this again, i have to. just help me be strong and give me a mind focused on You.... btw when i woke up today there was only one sentence stuck in my head, one which i had heard twice the day before on sunday: God helps those who help themselves. i'm still trying to figure out the magnitude of what that statement means. and however horrible i've felt for my actions, i was indeed glad i attended the services i attended yesterday -- i felt i had to come, even though initially i felt like i didn't -- becos it gave me faith and insights i'm still hearing in the midst of all this pain. someone says i'm going through unnecessary pain. well, maybe i am. or maybe you don't know the whole story. "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons: “My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son.” Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it. Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,”so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed. -- Hebrews 12: 1-13 the other service i attended (my yf), but nearly didn't cos i didn't feel like it for certain reasons, also made me glad i did. we had a guest pastor from vineyard church...and he said he was baptised and confirmed as a pastor in our church. he had an amazing story to tell about his life...and i could see that his discipline and obedience towards the Lord shined through. he said that when he received christ into our church, his mentor (who still happens to be in our church and is now an aging father) said he must do 4 things everyday, and he said he believed these 4 things are essential for the mature, for the weak, for every type of Christian....and i believe it is too: 1)pray every day....as in talk to God 2)ask God at the start of the day, "what do you want me to do?" 3)read the bible 4)evangelise / tell someone about the gospel i can honestly say the only thing that i've been consistent at is no. 1. and for everything else i haven't been so faithful in doing. i feel a little better now, being reminded of these messages. onward Christian soldiers, marching as to war; with the cross of Jesus, going on before. |
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