|
|
|
read between the lines
mellon collie feeling too wrecked tonite to explain in detail. but i'm feeling pretty much like the song below. more pent-up releases after the lyrics (but less detailed).We Never Change by COLDPLAY I wanna live life And never be cruel And I wanna live life And be good to you And I wanna fly And never come down And live my life And have friends around We never change, do we? No, no We never learn, do we? So, I wanna live in a wooden house I wanna live life And always be true I wanna live life And be good to you I wanna fly And never come down And live my life And have friends around We never change, do we? No, no We never learn, do we? So, I wanna live in a wooden house Making more friends Would be easy Oh, and I don't have a song to sing Yes, and I sin every single day We never change, do we? We never learn, do we? So, I wanna live in a wooden house Making more friends would be easy I wanna live where the sun comes out ---- today was a progressive descent towards melancholiness. i'm definitely sure it's not because i had no sleep, cos even though i slept little last night, it was still long enough to remove symptoms of [fill in the blanks yourself. or read my posts]. all i can say is, it has something to do with too much tatemae and too little honne. came across these japanese terms when i was doing my paper yesterday...and it does fit in with the events today. tatemae is what is called your 'public face', aka. your mask (think of PR shit) and honne is what you really feel inside. of course, if there's one thing i absolutely detest, it is lying -- especially lying in the form of masking my feelings...but as it says in the book where this was extracted from, sometimes out of common courtesy the Japanese tend to use tatemae, because one of course has to be generally polite in society. and their honne comes out in conversations with their closer friends. and it's funny....cos today our exercise for our acting & directing class was to put into practice those very terms (though of course he didn't say they were these terms, but they were). we were supposed to act as guests at an embassy. and this waiter was supposed to pass us hors d'oeuvres which had something wacky inside -- and it affected our openness. to explain: we started out putting on our 'public faces' and acting all cordial and polite. so for each hors d'oeuvres we took, we started getting more and more open and more revealing towards our true feelings til finally became what we really felt like inside. so to apply it to the concept above, we put on our tatemae but became more and more honne after each helping of hors d'oeuvres. and today i was forced to be a bit of that in a particular area, out of common courtesy and politeness. and it's uncanny but tonight's episode of the O.C., the middle part of it was about saying something when you actually mean and want something else -- because not only is it common courtesy, it's to avoid hurting the feelings or jeopardising the best interests of others. [too bad though, channel 5 totally censored out the lesbian bit at the ending where alex and marissa end up making out...haha. they didn't even show that whole scene!]. but yeah. what happened was a lot of that. seth says summer and zach should probably go spend time together while seth takes the bus back alone, even though what he would really want is for him and summer to be the ones spending time together. ryan says lindsay should spend quality time with her dad (aka. his mean foster grandfather), even though what he would really want is for him and lindsay to be out on their date. kirsten says sandy (her husband) should say goodbye to rebecca (his old flame) before she leaves if he wants to, even though what she would really want is for him to stay and have a proper valentine's day dinner. sandy says no to rebecca after their 'moment' and decides to remain faithful to his wife at home, even though what a small part of him would really want is to wish she never ran away and that they would've continued their relationship if so. now apply it to me: i say [.....], even though what i would really want is for [.....]. it pained me just like it pained these characters. but god really is grace-giving to me especially in times like these. i was asking him a rhetorical question related to this and he answered by having a food seller at the bus stop in jb (where i wait for my parents) give me two apam balik s for free out of nowhere. that simple act of kindness from (indirectly) god really broke me and it was an encouragement, in a way, to me. |
|
|
.jpg){kind=link}