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read between the lines
really freaked out i had a sharp gastric pain at my side in the morning (plus the overseas boss was indirectly giving me hell even from home) so i decided to see the doctor. other than gastric pills, i asked if he could give me something now while i wait impatiently for my psych appointment.he prescribed me an anti-depressant and an anti-anxiety set of pills which i retrieved from the pharmacy that i was told (by both him and the pharmacists) was safe and that unfortunately, the anti-depressant would take 2 weeks to work. i felt physically tired from all the mental combat so i went to take a rest, but when i got up i started getting really stressed thinking about work. i was about to take the anti-anxiety pill (note: i have never been on drugs for mental health issues before) when i decided to do some checking on the internet...and i promptly flipped out after reading up. apparently, my anti-anxiety pill lexapro is actually an anti-depressant and reading from the many responses on this site, people either can't sleep or end up sleeping too much, they get flatulent (how's that for my already gastritis-prone stomach) and -- here's the worst bit -- they become zombified! apparently, quitting the pills cold turkey causes these or worse symptoms, so that means i'd be forcibly hooked on the drugs as i lessen my dosage gradually (and still have these symptoms around). i mean, i know i've been talking a great deal on this blog about how i feel i'm living a dead life, just subsisting to get through each day instead of really living, but to imagine being emotionally numb like a zombie with an even greater lack of desire to get out of bed each day sounds like a sure road to hell and suicide. that's not even counting the teeth-grinding and 'electric shock' spasms that some people have. i nearly fainted when i searched for my prescribed anti-depressant seroxat: even wikipedia (the vox populi of online searches) and the official manual itself says a ton of stuff about high discontinuation (withdrawal) symptoms and actually encouraging suicidal thoughts especially in young people! there's even been a recent court inquest about a prominent suicide case caused by this drug. because of that, seroxat (or paxil in the US) is apparently the most addictive of this classification of drugs (SSRIs). according to this site, it's the most addictive because it doesn't work as well as before if you skip on the medication and try to get back to the routine, while at the same time having to deal with the horrible side-effects. so what are the withdrawal symptoms (other than wanting to kill yourself, which is the main reason why you started taking these pills in the first place)? nausea and the same thing as lexapro -- somnolence aka. zombification. erm...i think after reading all this i'll just stick to my mild (in comparison) depression and anxiety and figure out non-drug ways of working this out (like life coaching, which seems to work). hopefully the psychiatrist i see will agree with me to do this. god, give me wisdom to know the right way out.
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