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read between the lines
picking up the pieces i have been ministered. yesterday was the first time in my life that i didn't treat myself on my birthday, that i stopped looking out for my own interests, that i actually broke down and cried several times to God in prayer, that i experienced a greater intimacy with God. and today was the first time in years that i have ever cried during the the closing prayer (after sermon)cos i felt it really applied to me. thanks all who have prayed, do continue to keep praying for me.i definitely feel stronger in God and more in touch with Him. and He really reached out to me, which i saw in today as well during the "sermon"...we invited this guest speaker from s'pore, n he said he felt that we should hear a "sidetrack comment" before going on to the notes he had prepared...but his "comment" ended up becoming the sermon becos he ended up speaking more and more about it...and it concerned healing the sick, whether it's spiritual or physical sickness....and it relly opened my eyes to a few things n made me look at old verses in the Bible in a new perspective. the last nite of camp i ended up praying with some frens n staying up till 6.30am....and on hindsight, i was glad to have been given the opportunity to do that. i also realised tonite that ultimately, my problems and my worries were only the tip of the iceberg. throughout my time of "suffering", i identified a few problems along the way, n each problem got deeper and more into the heart of me than the one before. and rite now the latest problem that God has opened my eyes to, is that i have not been spending enough quiet time with Him for a very long time. all along when things were going well, when they were fine and dandy, i was blind enuff to think, hey, i'm doing relly well. everything's okay so i guess my walk with God is good. but now that i'm going thru this struggle in my life i realise that all along i was wrong....and that God is using the problem to tell me, hey jess, you haven't been spending enuff time with me. --> which is why you do not know me or my love for i am the One that provides for you and for God is love, which is why you have let your worries and problems overcome you, which is why you find yourself struggling to not place your hope on earthly things. and i have hope for the future and my faith in God is renewed again. one of the revelations that i felt when the speaker spoke his words was when he pointed out that "faith is not something you conjure up, not something that's inside of you that you can evoke." and he showed us that in Romans 10: 17 it says that "faith comes through hearing the message", the message being the Word of God. so basically i realised that like what he said later, i have been relying on my own strength, trying to "conjure up" my faith...when all along the only way i could actually build my faith was to hear more sermons and talks on God and hear more of what my frens were saying when the Holy Spirit was speaking thru them to me. there's a lot of other key, or what i would call fundamental, revelations i received in tonite's talk, n i was relly glad that the speaker postponed his sermon cos i was greatly ministered to in the impromptu words from the Lord that he had to say. it's amazing how much knowledge he had, and how in the world he recalled so many Bible verses, and how much he had to say on the spot.....the Holy Spirit really empowered him and spoke thru him cos there's no way he could've done it on his own. anyway i hope this new interest and desire/fire for God continues to byrn in me and not fizzle out in the days or weeks to come. |
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