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read between the lines
this is not good feel bad. still. think i'm worse today cos i feel bad longer. i almost feel like hurtling myself down a steep cliff or jumping down the twin towers. i don't wanna be here. i don't wanna face the pressure and the burdens here. it's tough. my heart's not even ready for camp yet. i feel like shit. my emotions are swinging back and forth from two extremes: anger and sadness. frustration, rage....and then hurt and pain....and then back again.god loves me. he takes care of me. he's got my life in control. but i just don't feel it right now. i don't feel secure in the knowledge that god's got my back and he's looking out for my best interests in the future. i don't feel much of god's love tonite. i don't feel loved or cared for at all tonite. i can't even feel like i'm talking to a great and powerful mighty Being up there in the heavens. i just don't feel it. i'm too caught up in mulling about things down here. the worries and problems i bring onto myself on earth here are distracting me from the one true God i should be paying full attention to. i know that. i know. but somehow i can't bring myself to turn over a new leaf, to switch myself over and be spiritually up again. |
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