Recording my journey of trying to make it through life and find God, joy, purpose and meaning along the way...basically in search of eternal life here on earth.

LINKS THAT NO LONGER INTEREST ME
!HERO [the gospel in rock]
parousia
jon foreman
switchfoot
duran duran
kevinmax
the O.C.
jason LO

I WROTE THIS
pseudo-memoir


Background from dctalkunite.com


RECENT POSTS

it's tough

four words

work sucks

recent items
blogger works?
blogger really has a prob
blogger has a prob
interesting piece
maintanence
tonite

WRITINGS

October 2004
November 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
March 2011
April 2011
May 2011
June 2011
July 2011
August 2011
September 2011
February 2012
May 2012
June 2012
July 2012
August 2012
September 2012
October 2012
February 2013
June 2013
June 2014
October 2014
November 2014
February 2016
May 2016
August 2017
November 2020
September 2021
December 2021
August 2022
December 2022
December 2023
March 2024
April 2024
December 2024

read between the lines

Monday, November 15, 2004

this is not good

feel bad. still. think i'm worse today cos i feel bad longer. i almost feel like hurtling myself down a steep cliff or jumping down the twin towers. i don't wanna be here. i don't wanna face the pressure and the burdens here. it's tough. my heart's not even ready for camp yet. i feel like shit. my emotions are swinging back and forth from two extremes: anger and sadness. frustration, rage....and then hurt and pain....and then back again.

god loves me. he takes care of me. he's got my life in control. but i just don't feel it right now. i don't feel secure in the knowledge that god's got my back and he's looking out for my best interests in the future. i don't feel much of god's love tonite. i don't feel loved or cared for at all tonite. i can't even feel like i'm talking to a great and powerful mighty Being up there in the heavens. i just don't feel it.

i'm too caught up in mulling about things down here. the worries and problems i bring onto myself on earth here are distracting me from the one true God i should be paying full attention to. i know that. i know. but somehow i can't bring myself to turn over a new leaf, to switch myself over and be spiritually up again.