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read between the lines
bad planning yawn. feeling the strain of sleeping so little for one whole week since engage started. cos when i have dinner in s'pore everyday n take my time to do my quiet time, by the time i come back n do all my stuff there's not much time left to sleep. but i want to continue doing this, keeping this record, at least until engage is over. yeah. then after that i wun be blogging so frequently anymore...until the hols come or until i feel motivated to. cos i wanna see how i fare overall in this fasting thingy, which btw, i realised today that i have almost forgotten about already. n when i am reminded of what i'm fasting for, i have almost no "appetite" or desire to have it. n i guess that's a good stepping stone to helping me finally overcome my cravings for this thing eventually (cos i said i had been fasting but failing against this thing already prior to this).today's topic in the engage booklet was about having the river of life (aka. jesus) flow thru me n out to others to bless them. n there's this part which was asking me if i was like a Dead Sea, always taking but never giving, or like a river of life. n my answer was merely a voicing-out of what i had been feeling for quite some time. i wrote that i used to be like the Dead Sea, not so much never ever giving, but more like getting stagnant, collecting water n not letting it flow thru to other channels. as in i was not relly blessing ppl outside my circle of frens. i also wrote that after that i became like the river of life, where i increased my activities of blessing ppl n going out n evangelising n stuff....but now it's like slowly stagnating again. not yet like the dead sea, but i still feel my level of blessing ppl has gone down since the peak. i know i'm not doing enuff. n rite now i've kinda put the organising of my life on hold. i haven't planned or organised a lot of things in an orderly way yet....as in i haven't read thru my notes yet, nor have i printed out every single one (there's hundreds of pages this sem, i'm serious).....n ever since my palm pilot's charger got sent to the repair shop (it wasn't working) i've not relly kept track of my dates for when i have to hand this or that up, what date is what test, etc. the repair shop hasn't called for one whole week. n all my alarms for crucial dates are recorded in my palm pilot. so far it's been grace alone that's made me remember to hand in my assignments on time, or remember to go for crusade worship practice, or attend group meetings.....or else i'm pretty sure i wud've forgotten. not that i can't live without a palm (i can and i did, until only recently), but that i haven't planned or organised my sch life yet. i haven't sat down n arranged all the crucial dates into a table n looked at the table n planned ahead of the tests n assignments in the table so that i do my work on time. i haven't relly prayed specifically over each assignment yet. i haven't relly done other things like these.....i've kinda put it on hold. hopefully the two-week break next wk will discipline me to finally start doing these things i've been putting off. but it's possible that i mite like waking up late n being so free from work that i mite end up not doing anything....i dunno. |
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